Monday, May 30, 2016

for beth

i will catch up on me and this week that is to come, but this post is for beth.

this friday she goes in for her next round of scans. i just know that they will come back all clear as they have before and she will keep moving farther and farther out from that original diagnosis and year of treatment and surgeries. even though i am totally convinced she will get good news (her results come on monday), please send her your prayers, good vibes, and mojo.

you know how i feel about sharing stories, and so i thought that i would share beth's words directly so you can hear it from her on how she feels as she heads into this week.

i know that we both appreciate all of the love and support that comes our way. keep it coming.

you've got this beth, that i know for sure. love you. fight on. xo

My scansxiety is in full force right now as my scans are one week away.   I am starting to have weird anxiety dreams.  I can feel it in my body, my breathing, how emotional I am.
I had to call the radiology department this morning because once again they didn't send me any instructions for the scans and I am pretty sure I have to fast.  Which I do.  Then I got the clarification of my labs because they had forgotten to place the order.  Never stop being your own advocate.

I go in now around 10 am for labs next Friday.  Then onto my scan at 11.  Then I go in for the results at 11 am on Monday June 6.  So that I don't sit and worry all weekend about the results my parents and I are going to Hood Canal for the weekend where I can worry all weekend there.... We will plan some activities to try and distract me. They get in town Tuesday and it will be so nice to have them here.  Unlike last year I don't have 2 other procedures and tests while they are here.  Only the scans.

I of course worry about the results and what I will do if I hear that the cancer is back.  Will I see my world crumble around me?  How would I get the energy and strength to do treatment again?  But people do find it in themselves to do it again.   I was talking about this with my counselor this week and if I find out the cancer is back will I question things I did and wish I would have done differently.  She told me something that is helpful, she reminded me that it's not like I am doing anything knowingly bad for me, like smoking cigarettes.  Everything else known right now is not scientifically based.  Like me getting cancer, random.  If it comes back, random.  At least with what we know now.  I know I can't control everything.

I have had a lot of appointments in the past week.  Last week I met with my naturopath.  Still talking fatigue and neuropathy.  We are trying some new supplements for a couple months to see if those work.  He also is thinking about trying this laser treatment on my feet.  The engineer in me asked for research before doing that.    One of the lingering side effects of chemo is dryness  Dry skin and for me dry eyes.  So my acupuncturist had this treatment that required me to go in 2 days in a row to help with dry eyes.  They feel better but I am not sure if it's a dramatic difference yet.  But that one has been a real nuisance side effect.   Then I also saw my fatigue/active doctor yesterday.   Overall he thinks I am doing good and understands my frustration with not feeling like me quite yet.   So he asked me a lot of questions and overall I do have more energy during the day, but then I still crash and need more sleep on the weekend.  I wonder if my bosses will believe my doctor ordered me to take short naps during the day?  So I need to keep with my conservation of energy plan and my workouts and walks.

Last weekend I served breakfast at the SCCA house. I chatted with a nice woman from the Bay Area who is up here with her husband.   He is getting treatment for their last effort at treatment.   And she was remarkably hopeful and in good spirits for that news.  I still really enjoy serving there and meeting people.  They do come in all shapes and sizes.
Alli is hanging in there.  Like with all treatment the side effects are building.  She goes in next week for her second cycle.  They need to come up with a good plan for her nausea that doesn't make her so exhausted.  I remember living on nausea meds so I get that feeling, and it's an awful feeling.

This weekend brings some fun and rest.   Going to the Seattle International Film Festival, a Mariner's game and picnics and gatherings with friends.  And hopefully I get to enjoy the rest of the plans I have made in June with a clean slate for a few months!
Thank you for your love, support and prayers.


  1. Covering both you and Beth in prayer. Thank you for sharing her words.

  2. You're an amazing friend ... keeping you both in my prayers.