(graphic from ali edwards)
i choose to become brave in my fight with stage iv melanoma.
so i decided today that i was going to watch a special that i had taped on robin roberts. it was a 20/20 special from last week that documented the process she went through for her bone marrow transplant recently. i had taped it last week because i really wanted to watch it, but wasn't ready to emotionally.
of course, i again used quite a few kleenex. i could identify with so much of what she said. how hard it was to tell her mom that she was sick again. how she was the baby of the family and had already had to fight through cancer once before. how no matter how old you are you want your mom when you are sick. how it was hard for her to have others take care of her when she always preferred to be the one taking care of others. how she could remember the exact moment and date when she got her diagnosis. how she went on the internet (even though everyone says not to) to look at information on her condition and emotionally lost it. in a magazine article, robin said that "i want to give people hope. i want to let them know there is another day. i can be fearful or i can be fearless. i choose to be fearless." i also loved how she said that her mom always told her kids "make your mess your message." when i heard that, i thought about this blog and how in many ways it has been one of the biggest parts of my message about this journey with melanoma. i heart robin roberts. i think that she is such a great role model of how to be brave.
i had an appointment today to get my hair cut. i was fine going in, but when i walked in and sat in the chair, i started to have flashbacks to the first time that i sat in that chair and met jeremy. my hair falling out. wearing a wig. having my hair cut short. clearly, that moment wasn't just about my hair, but more about how much i have already gone through. it just all rolled in like a tidal wave. as jeremy and i started talking, i could feel the tears coming. then he said "is something wrong? you don't seem like yourself." yep, that was all it took and the flood gates opened up wide and i have gave him a quick explanation. since jeremy has been directly affected by cancer, and i have been going to him for almost two years, he gets it. so he kneeled down, looked me in the eye, told me it was ok for us to just take a minute, and then he got me some kleenex (yes, kleenex again - i told you, a million a day are getting used around here). once i had pulled myself together (by taking some deep breaths and telling myself to be brave), he asked me what the next steps are and we spent the rest of the time chatting it up like we normally do. another hurdle jumped, my legs should be in pretty good shape soon;)
when i left the salon, i had a message on my phone from my friend mike. he had recorded an acoustic version of "carry on" for me, just him and his guitar. he also changed up the lyrics to the second verse to reflect our friendship and a bar we used to hang out at. i love that it is his voice, and the lyric change up took me by surprise and totally made me laugh. his timing on sending me that message could not have been more perfect. my own personal version of my new musical theme song. love it, and love my talented friend mike. i also love kicking his you-know-what at shuffleboard while drinking at a bar but that is an entirely different story;)
talented mike is married to awesome jen. a post about being brave is the perfect time to give an update about jen since she is one brave cancer warrior. first off, jen is super thankful (as am i) for everyone who has signed up for the fun mail for jen campaign. we are rocking it every week, and jen is so inspired by all of the positive vibes coming to her mailbox each week. in the last update on jen, she was going to go for a third opinion. jen has decided to not do that at this time, and she is going to see how the results are at her upcoming checkup in the next month or so. i will definitely keep you posted. i also wanted you to know that jen told me that she thinks that all of the good fun mail mojo was directly correlated to her getting some positive (though conflicting, hence contemplating the third opinion) news at her last appointment. i am pretty sure that as cancer has seen that fun mail rolling in it has decided that it is messing with the wrong person. i think cancer has packed up its bags and is going to leave her alone. that would definitely be mission accomplished for our fun mail campaign.
thanks to awesome jen, barrett and i will be taking a 1.5 hour hot air balloon ride sometime this spring/summer. how cool is that? it will be another first, i am so excited. but no one tell my mom, she isn't sure she is going to let me go up in a hot air balloon;) so let's just keep this our little secret (mom, pretend you aren't reading this part).
i also decided that there was one more piece of art that i needed to have in the house, so i ordered this print. i figured since it says "surrender your fear and be brave with your life" it was a necessary addition in our house.
i am also so excited for "carry on warrior" to come at the beginning of april. it will be available right before my scans, perfect timing. (jill p - sorry i didn't realize it was on pre-order when i linked to it originally. my bad. oops;))
also, reminder that if you want to be entered into the "be brave" card giveaway you need to leave a comment by midnight friday (pacific time). i will use the random number doodad to pick the winner and will give an update on saturday morning.
i hope that you all have a great weekend. make the most of it.
promise me you will enjoy all of the big and little moments. i know i will. xo