Sunday, December 16, 2012

the helpers

i am sure that most of you have seen this quote somehow in the last 24 hours, if you have a facebook account, you most certainly have as it has been posted on numerous pages. i first saw it on friday a few hours after i had heard about what happened in connecticut. i spent friday (and the days since) in a bit of a blurry haze as i am sure that most of you have. but i connected with this quote when i saw it. it made me think of all of the people that i know and love that are helpers. i was comforted by the fact that i know so many good people in this world that can sometimes seem so cruel and senseless.
on saturday morning, my friend jill from wisconsin was in town and i was picking her up so that she could come over to our house for lunch. when we got to the house, i started to walk in and barrett told me to cover my eyes for a surprise. i thought that malena had done some christmas decorating or had a surprise for me. well, there was a surprise alright.
when i came around the corner, i first saw family and friends. then i saw my dream couch. yes, that dream couch. remember when i told you about the couch in this post? of course, i was in total love with the couch, but i always knew that i would only have the chance to sit on it one time in my life. i got to sit on the couch when i was at kelly rae robert's studio back in july, which was such a fateful trip around the time of my scans. if you remember, i felt like the fates gave me that unexpected trip to portland that monday because my scan results on wednesday weren't going to be what i hoped for. we know that turned out to in fact be true, but i am still so grateful to the fates for allowing me to meet kelly rae and susannah. it was a dream come true.
ok, back to the couch and dreams....when i sent out that post about the coach, my dear friend jill got an idea. her idea was that if enough family and friends donated money, collectively they could buy me the couch. after jill got the word out, the money for the couch ($2,000 people!!) was raised within two days (and i know that many of you reading this right now donated and i love you for that). in fact, more than the money needed for the couch was raised, that additional money is going to be donated to fred hutchinson cancer center in my name. unbelievable.
this planning had been going on since november, and i had no clue. no clue. at all. which is pretty amazing when you think about how many people knew about the plan.
i am still in total shock that the couch is in my house, i am sitting on it right now as i type this post. i wish i could sit on it 24/7, i would if i could. i keep looking over my shoulder when i am walking around the house because i feel like i need to keep checking that it is still here. it is that feeling of it all being too good to be true.
the dream gets gallery (you have heard of them from me before because i have posted to their site numerous time with kelly rae roberts items i love) was so kind and generous. they worked with jill to allow for the free shipping offer to occur even after the actual sale had expired, she had told them the story behind why it was being purchased for me. out of the kindness of their (clearly huge) hearts, they gave me one of kelly rae's 2013 calendars and one of her trunks. i have been drooling over those trunks ever since i saw them for the first time, and i have used kelly rae's calendars for the last couple of years. how amazing are they? yes, completely amazing. clearly, they are helpers.
the dream gets even gallery arranged for kelly rae to sign the couch ("to the lovely alli, a cozy place to inspire your creative spirit. xo, kelly rae 2012"), the calendar ("to alli, here's to new beginnings. may 2013 be full of brave days. xo, kelly rae 2013"), and the trunk ("to brave alli, to inspire your creative spirit. kelly rae, 2012"). i literally could not believe it, it was like dream overload. as you know from the gazillion times i have wrote about kelly rae or posted about her art (like when i bought myself one of her originals for my mother's day present), i am a huge fan and surround myself with her art - and many of you have got her art from me as gifts. so having her signature on the coach she designed - which is now in my house - is as about good as my dreams can get. then you add the signed trunk and calendar to it and i am speechless. if you could see the video from saturday,  you would know i was literally speechless. i don't think words came out of my mouth for the first couple of minutes. then i sat on my couch and just took it all in. all of the goodness. all of the love. all of the thoughtfulness. all of the donations. all of the planning. all of the giving. all of the care. all of my helpers.
this couch was meant to be mine. i feel such good energy coming from it, and when i sit on it, one word comes to mind: healing. i feel like this couch gives me a place to sit that is all my own (of course i will let you all sit with me anytime you like) that was created out of immeasurable love. i have always known that i am very lucky to be surrounded by so many people that care for and love me. i didn't need the couch to know that. but i feel like when i sit on this couch, everyone is wrapping their arms around me and telling me that it is going to be ok. whatever comes from these scans in january, and the scans after those - and the scans after those, i can do this. i have been doing this for two years, i will keep doing this. fighting, surviving, and healing. all at the same time, some days one more than the others.
so on this sunday night when my heart breaks for those families in connecticut, i am sending them good thoughts and prayers while i sit on my couch. those thoughts and prayers are telling them that there are helpers. they are all around us. this i know to be true.


  1. You have such a beautiful way with words. I feel your goodness going out in to the world tonight! sweet dreams :)

  2. Awesome! you are inspiring; continue to be brave, my prayers are with you....

  3. Oh my gosh Alli, what a beautiful post. What amazing generous, beautiful friends you have. You've touched my heart.