Monday, August 31, 2015

tuesday is the big day

you guys.

first grade.

it is happening.

in less than 12 hours.

she is already asleep, i might be up all night.

will she find her way to her class? will someone help her at lunchtime? will someone play with her at recess? will she be scared?

i am in knots.

tomorrow is a big day, and i wish that i could shadow her all day long.

there are two posts by glennon at momastery that say exactly what i feel.

watching him walk away is like looking at the sun. and have this conversation before you send your baby back to school

"just be grateful and kind and brave. that’s all you ever need to be."

that is all anyone of us need to be.

i will brave tomorrow just like she is going to be, and i will watch her walk away as she starts this new adventure.

growing up is not easy, especially when you go through it the second time with your heart walking outside of your body.

so here we go.

anywhere she goes, i go.

Friday, August 21, 2015


i had heard weeks ago that jimmy carter had been diagnosed with cancer.

it is always hard to hear about cancer because you just do not want anyone to have to ever have to deal with it.

it was yesterday when i heard that jimmy had been diagnosed with melanoma and that it was stage iv. and that it had spread to his brain.

that makes it even harder.

hearing about someone being diagnosed with the same cancer is really difficult. for many reasons.

if like me, you actually hadn't thought about melanoma that day, it brings it all to the surface. you hear the statistics. the focus on it being stage iv and that stage iv is not good and almost always terminal. you hear people speculate that he probably won't have much time. you hear all of the things that you make you want to crawl into a teeny tiny ball under your covers.

so i am sending my good thoughts to jimmy today.

i am also also sending love and prayers to my friend judy and her entire family as she undergoes another surgery today to keep on fighting cancer.

please send your love, good vibes, and prayers to both of them.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

the firsts

tonight we finished getting all of the back to school supplies needed for first grade.

pencils, glue sticks, colored pencils, erasers, paper, folders, a new backpack -- you name it, it was on the list and in our cart.

i remember when i was a kid and getting my new school supplies was a big deal and an end of summer highlight. it might have been because i was as much of a fun of paper goods then as i am now. raise your hand if you were ever the proud owner of a "trapper keeper" (mine had kittens on it thankyouverymuch) or pee-chees that you stacked together with duct tape. oh yes, those were the days.

i had a moment of getting a little teary as we rolled through the aisles of target. these firsts, i love them.

my girl is going first grade. i will so be that mom in the parking lot after drop off with tears streaming down. i can tell you that already and we are two weeks out from the big day.

the time has gone in the blink of an eye, and it feels like it only continues to go by faster.

so i could relate when i read kelle's post about getting them off on the right foot.

she does not always want to hold my hand anymore (insert super sad mom face here) because she is 6 and a half (she is very clear on that half part), so i will happily roam the aisles of target with her for school supplies as long as she lets me.

which i hope is until she graduates college (but don't tell her that as she might think that is slightly overdoing it).

Thursday, August 13, 2015

she said yes

the morning after i accepted my new job, a portland artist jessica swift was selling some of her original paintings.

this one i immediately loved, and then i saw the name. "she said yes"

so that seemed pretty much like a good sign i made the right decision. so i bought the painting knowing i would put it in my new work space.

i love looking at it each day, and i feel like the fox keeps me company while i work.

i think about all of the changes that saying yes created, some of them are good, some of them are easy, some of them are hard.

but i never would have known what taking a chance on something new would have been like if i had never said yes.

so the fox and i will just keep doing our thing, i think she knows that things will turn out ok.

she is probably a smart cookie too.

have a good weekend peeps. xo

Wednesday, August 12, 2015


tonight we were at dinner and i was looking at malena and thinking about how it seems impossible that in a couple of weeks she goes into first grade.

first grade.

how is that even possible?

i have no idea. i am pretty sure that we just brought her home from the hospital yesterday.

then i read this.

i am not the only one thinking about change.

there is definitely comfort in that.

the clock hands continue to go.

tick tock. tick tock.

time isn't slowing down, so all we can do is hold on and make the most of it.

i am holding on as tight as i can.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

smart cookie

i found this sweatshirt tonight when i was shopping to support my local economy;)

i kind of totally think that is the best sweatshirt ever. of all time.

how great would it be if ever woman and girl wore it --- and more importantly, believed it.

now that would be a really great day.

so of course i left the store as the proud owner of a new sweatshirt.

because they are days that i feel like a pretty smart cookie, and there are days that i don't. so on both of those kinds of days, this sweatshirt will be some good inspiration.

on the way home from finding the dream sweatshirt, i heard macklemore and ryan lewis' new song "growing up" (featuring ed sheeran) for the first time. oh man, i love this song.

love the advice for his baby girl.

love that he acknowledges that he is still growing up himself.

aren't we all?

yes we are.

you can trust me on that.

i am a smart cookie after all.

Monday, August 10, 2015

new starts

today was a new start.

after 16 years of working for a public agency, i started a new job at a private firm.

it is a huge change, but i am excited about the possibilities of the new role.

making the decision to leave what i have known for a long time was probably one of the - if not the - hardest decisions i have ever made.

to leave the teams and the projects i love, and have dedicated so many years of my life to, was brutally hard.

but it felt like it was time for a change.

so i made the choice and am now heading right into this new adventure.

when i was thinking about whether or not to take the job, i remembered one of my favorite amy poehler quotes. "i believe great people do things before they are ready." i really love the idea of going for things even if you aren't ready. i think that is when the true magic happens.

if i had waited to be ready, there are many things in life i would never have done. jumped off of a really high trapeze platform. rolled out of a perfectly good plan to skydive. lay down quietly while the tattoo artist got the ink gun ready. started training to run a half marathon. and i sure as hell would not have started a year of cancer treatment if i was waiting on being ready for that. the list goes on and on.

so i am going for it, ready or not. i believe that good things will come, and i am excited to see what they look like.

i am also excited to get out of the transition zone i have been living in for the last month. i am really looking forward to feeling like i can get a handle on my own life again and settling into a more regular pace. one that includes times to write in this space. yes to that.

i hope that you all have had a good start to your week. mine was one that i won't forget.

but the great things are never the ones we forget, right?


bring on the new.

as my good friend kerry always says, let's do this.

Sunday, August 2, 2015

sunday thoughts

(free download of the quote via ali edwards)
every sunday ali posts a quote with a free download.
we need each other.
being good and decent are worth it.
i couldn't agree more.