Sunday, September 22, 2013

hello monday

sunday night. here we are again. the weeks are flying by.

i think that i have caught my breath a bit. getting the dates of the upcoming scans shook me up a bit, ok, a lot. getting those dates gets harder and harder each time. this time is maybe tougher because of what lays ahead of these scans. malena's 5th birthday. barrett's birthday. thanksgiving. christmas. all of our holiday traditions. after seeing those dates in writing, i felt very overwhelmed and like i was drowning in melanoma for a few days. but i am finding my way out of that and am ready to kick ass and be brave again until the end of october.

this weekend we had family pictures with barrett's family. as i talked about last week, i printed some of the chalkboad backgrounds and they turned out awesome. this is one of my favorites pictures of all time.
i decided early saturday morning that i didn't want to wear our "be brave" bracelets in the pictures. i did not want melanoma to be a part of those pictures, it doesn't deserve to be. i made it through the pictures fine, but there were a few moments when the photographer was taking pictures of just the three of us that i could feel the tears coming on. some tears fell when no one was looking. taking family pictures comes with a lot of emotions for me. family pictures capture the moment, but also make me think of how i want many more years of our little family captured in pictures. so i took some deep breaths and focused on the fact that the three of us were there, on that day, and we would have the pictures to remember it by. nothing could take that day from us. for that i was thankful.

i am also thankful for the moments over the weekend (as i have been ever since she was old enough to walk) when malena would grab my hand when we were out and about. i will never get tired of her reaching for my hand. never. ever.

i have a new friend named mojo that will be accompanying me to my scans in october. my dear friend hannah made him for me and i think that he rocks. i am totally in love with him. he has a special spot on my dresser so that i see him every morning and every night for a little bit of extra mojo to get me through each day. i can always, always use some extra mojo.

i will write more this week. it is now 10pm and if i don't end this my big brother is going to be all over me for missing my bedtime.

so goodnight all, i hope that your weekends were good -- and that this upcoming week brings you more good than bad. xo

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