craptastic

i knew by about 4am that today was going to be a craptastic day. around that time, one of our fire alarm batteries started to go "beep....beep....beep." you know (and i know you can relate), the way that they beep when the batteries start to go low in the middle of the night. because they always run low in the middle of the night. nope, never daytime when everyone is up. only at nighttime when everyone is asleep. those sneaky little batteries, i think that they know exactly what they are doing. i think that they kind of get a little bit of a kick out of taunting us.

so after getting sleep cut short by about an hour and a half, i got ready to head into work early (ugh) due to an unexpected deadline (double ugh) today. but i could not find my car keys. anywhere. and i mean anywhere. so barrett took pity on me and found the spare key for me, after he saw me frantically ransacking my work bag and various other places that i thought that the keys might be. when i got to work and parked, i had the pleasure of realizing that the battery in the spare key was dead. yep, perfect. of course the battery was dead. why should the battery in my keys be any different than the one in our fire alarms? answer: clearly, they shouldn't. please refer to the last line of my first paragraph for my thoughts on batteries.

work was a blur of craziness and stress. then at about noon, a little email popped up from my oncologist's office. you know, that one. the dreaded email. my scans are going to be on october 29th, my results will be on october 30th.

my day took an even more craptastic turn at that point.

i am not going to lie. getting those emails is damn hard on me. i think that my tear ducts are instantly responsive when they see those emails come in. those emails mess me up a bit. they always have, and this time is no different. now the dates are known, now the three month mark officially exists. now i have to live with knowing the exact dates when the fates will tell me whether i get three more months. now i am reminded that i am now in the middle of the middle. now i feel like i am inching closer to the upcoming scans and farther from my last round of good results.

needless to say, most of my day has been a tough one. totally craptastic.

on the good side (you know that i always look for those), i had an appointment with my naturopath already booked this afternoon. it was great to see the progress i am making on the goals that we set back in march. that makes me feel damn good, all of the changes i have made are working and seeing the results on paper is pretty gratifying. it helps me mentally to know that i am making choices that pay off with me being as healthy as i can be to kick melanoma's ass at the end of october.

on the best side, i got to have a low key night with malena and barrett. malena and i played with blocks and built a tower taller than barrett, she was pretty proud of us and we had a great time. the perfect way for me to end this day.

so in the end, even on a day that everything seemed to work against me, there were bright spots. like there are every single day, you just have to wait and watch for them. they are there. they are always there.

i just need a little time to catch my breath, get my feet under me, and refocus on moving forward.

moving forward.

i always am.

f*ck cancer.