Monday, May 20, 2013

next steps

the ultrasound showed that there is a mass in my leg, but it didn't make it clear what the mass it. so i had options.

i could wait and watch to see if it grows, and if it did, i would meet with a surgeon to talk about removal.

i could go to my derm now and ask him to biopsy it or remove it entirely if he is able to.

i am going to take the derm route - you know me, the most aggressive option please.

on friday afternoon at 3:15 i will meet with my derm, and we will see if he can get it all out or biopsy it. on friday afternoon at 3:15, it will be official, only my left leg and my head will be scarless. hate that.

after the results come in from the biopsy (i would guess sometime next week), life may play out in a couple of ways.

if the biopsy is not melanoma and isn't anything else i have to be worried about, then life carries on with scans at the end of july. but my oncologist decided today that we will do full body scans at the end of july now instead of just my chest area even if the biopsy comes back clean.

if the biopsy is melanoma (and we can get it all out with clean margins), there will be two options. one is that i could wait and see if any other lumps form on my body, moles change, etc., and watch for anything growing during my regular scans. another option is that since results indicating that it was melanoma would mean that i have had tumors show up only months apart, i could start a treatment plan to be aggressive in trying to prevent any other new tumors from growing.

i don't feel like talking (aka writing) about the treatmenent options tonight. it was hard enough to sit through that conversations and discuss those potential realities and what they would mean. the treatments themselves, how often the treatment occur (ones that require me to be in hospital, ones that don't), the side effects. what happens if the treatments work. what happens if the treatments don't work. on and on it goes...but not tonight, i have had enough the day.

there are days when being brave takes a little extra strength. it requires digging deep, and then deeper, and then deeper again. sometimes i get tired of having to dig deep. today is one of those days. i don't want to have to dig at all, i don't want to feel like i am constantly carrying a shovel around with me. i want this all to go away, but it never does. melanoma never quits, so i don't either. but the constant fight is more draining that you can imagine.

speaking of others that don't quit, my friend mary sent me this picture today that reminded her and me of chase (thanks mary!). carry on, little warrior, carry on. we are rooting for you all the way.
hope you all have a great tuesday. xoxo
+++ if you need a good laugh, you have to read this post called tardy for the party


  1. Sending some strength your way so you can brave. My heart is with you.

  2. DAMN! This new development is not what I expected to hear when I checked back here. I feel like I know exactly what you mean when you talk about digging and diggin' and getting so plum tuckered out--even though I am not a cancer "host" but just the cancer "hostess" as in care-giver. I still carry that damned shovel over my shoulder most of the time.

    But I know you will stay strong as you have all along, and you'll persevere--with your incredibly eloquent blog, no one can ever doubt the extent of your strenth and intent to chuck this cancer out of the park. You just keep totin' that bale, and we're all toting and lifting along with you.

    p.s. I agree that cinnamon bears are probably exempt from the "cancer loves sugar" mantra--the cinnamon probably cancels out the sugar, I say.

  3. Thoughts and prayers out to you Alli. I'm digging for you too. xoxo/Doreen