scan day

scan day. ugh.

we did have one new surprise today. instead of drinking contrast for an hour, i had to drink two bottles of water. the radiologist changed up the negative/positive contrasts. lucky for me because it is so much easier to drink two bottles of water than two bottles of contrast. i will make that trade any day.

the rest of the day was typical. it took them about 20 minutes to get my iv in, my veins were not cooperating. that was not a fun 20 minutes.

even though i didn't drink the contrast, i still felt like hell all afternoon. so clearly the contrast i get through my iv during my scan still packs enough punch to make my day unpleasant. bummer, i was kind of hoping that i wouldn't feel so awful but that was just not meant to be. as usual, i crashed hard right after i got home.

while we were waiting after the scans to make sure that i didn't have a reaction, we ate some awesome snacks that ellie brought. sitting next to us was an older lady who had also just got done with a test. when she got up to leave, she told me to keep f&kcing cancer, i told her to the same. i have to say that one of the parts of going in for scans that brings me comfort is the kindness in every patients eyes that quietly acknowledge that they know you are part of the same tribe, and that they wish they too were anywhere else but there.

on this tuesday that needed a lot of love, we also got some good news. beth's radiologist confirmed that the tumor has not spread. that is the best news that could have come from the ultrasound so i am so thankful. beth has an important oncology appointment tomorrow to learn more about her treatment before and after scans, so please send her lots of love as she gets more answers. mary's surgery is now scheduled for february 11th. i told her that is the exact same day last year that i had surgery, and we got all of the melonoma in that one, and i know that her surgery will have the same results. mary sara's cousin's surgery also went well today and she was doing good in recovery. clearly, all of your love, mojo, and prayers worked their magic today and so i thank you.

it is now 11:44pm (i know stevie, past my bedtime but i am sure you understand). i am tired but don't feel like going to bed. the nightmares have been brutal and so i never like to try and sleep because i am afraid of what the night will bring. i am also scared more than you can imagine about what tomorrow will bring.

but tomorrow at 9:30 will come, whether i like it or not. the best i can do is hope and pray and believe that we will get good results.

so that is what i will be doing between now and then.

believing.

i know that you are all doing the same and i love you for that.

here we go again.

anywhere i go, you go. xo