grammy night

i am watching the grammy awards as  i write this.

it is amazing how certain moments are forever imprinted in my memories.

last year, the grammys were on the night before my surgery.

i can remember that night like it was yesterday.

barrett, malena & i were sitting on the couch. malena was playing games on barrett's kindle.

my mom was sitting on the loveseat. she was looking at magazines and watching the show.

my dad was sitting in the recliner. he was reading the paper and watching the show.

we were all listening to the amazing music.

i was sending emails and text messages out to friends and family to let them know that barrett would let them know how surgery went and when i was in recovery.

i remember not wanting to go to sleep because i didn't want monday to come and was afraid the dark would bring nightmares. i was so very anxious, and now i know that i was so right to be so damn scared.

but if i could whisper something now to that girl who listened to the music and didn't want to face what was to come, i would  quietly tell her this.

you will still be able to hear the music.

you will just need to keep listening. and fighting. and believing.