and i can totally relate.
because i don't know what to say either.
(as a sidenote: when someone gets bad news, telling them i don't know what to say, but i am here to support you, is honest and appreciated. feel ok to tell someone you don't know what to say, i guarantee they likely don't know what to say either. it is good common ground.)
the last couple of days have really been a tear filled blur for me.
barrett and i took thursday off work. we had some discussions with our parents in the morning on some immediate next steps (more to come on those soon but too tired to write much tonight) and then we headed out of town for the afternoon to take malena up to see the tulip fields in mount vernon. it was a gorgeous blue sky day and i needed to get out of town and i needed some fresh air.
friday we both worked. it was good to have something to concentrate on, but there were definitely moments the tears came on but i was able to keep them at bay. i was more than ready to get out of the office by the time my day was done.
this weekend we layed pretty low and stuck close to home. that was just what i needed. i didn't feel too much like talking, i just wanted to try and hold it together as much as i could with kiddo. but i would say that on average i have been in tears every couple of hours through the last two days. my eyes are tired. i am tired.
tomorrow we head back to work and soon i will have to start to navigate what my work life will look like when treatment turns it upside down.
i will write more on treatment soon too. as i am sure you can guess, i am not up for that yet. i can't even look at the papers they sent me because the first page has a stat about life expectancy when starting treatment. and it isn't good. so i haven't been able to go back to those papers yet, but i know that i will have to soon. i just need to gather up more of my strength before i can handle it.
so i really don't know what to say, but i know that this place will hold a lot of my words moving forward. ironic that last week i said i couldn't find my way back to this, and i now have no doubt that this is the place that i will come to so often as i have before.
leaving words here can at times allow me to feel just a tiny bit lighter because i am not carrying all of them by myself any longer.
have a good monday peeps. much love.