again

i am writing this one while malena is in an appointment, trying to sneak in these times to write when i can because house to dos are happening at night and then i am too tired to write.

today was a long day and a lot of back and forth with my oncologist’s office.

may 12^th.

that is the day that i will start treatment.

another day for the record books.

my treatment days are going to be long ones for me, they will last for about 7-8 hours between bloodwork, doctor check in, the first drug being administered, the second drug being administered, and so on.

i got pages and pages of my appointments and schedule today (and that is for just the next 12 weeks).

honestly it is all pretty overwhelming.

i think after coordinating so much on treatment starting, now having a date that marks the inevitable countdown, emails with HR about disability coverage and trying to figure out what the hell i am going to do about work and leave and coverage, emails with nurses about side effects, i am feeling just kind of numb tonight.

i definitely don’t feel like picking up any boxing gloves, i can tell you that.

feels more like i got a sucker punch to the side and need a little time to take some breaths and heal my wounds.

so that is where things stand as of today. the date is set. the countdown is on. i have just over two weeks to get ready to fight like hell again.

again.

that word is so damn frustrating.

but i have no choice except to live with it.

so whether i like it or not, “again” and i are in this together for what will be the hardest and longest bout of them all.

thanks for all of the continued love and support – it really means so much to us.

now please go do something fun on your wednesday.

ps) because even on rough days, there are things that can make you laugh. this had me cracking up tonight (thanks ellie - xoxo)