Monday, August 22, 2016

a long monday

well today looked different than what i was hoping for.

i should have known that things were not going to go my way when it took three times and three nurses to get my iv into my arm in the morning. it took 45 minutes to get the iv in, not a fun start to the day.

when we saw my oncologist, he started out by saying "things with you never seem to go easy" and i knew in that second that we weren't going to start treatment today.

he said that the results from the scan showed most likely an infection, which we knew from what the attending doctor told me last week which is why i started on the antibiotics.

but what the attending didn't tell me was that instead of being walking pneumonia from the steroids, that it could be an infection from the first dose of treatment. and it would just now be showing up because the steroids would have suppressed the infection for the last three months (can't believe it has now been three months since i first got injected with the steroids). so now with being off of the steroids the infection could be kicking in.

so he didn't want to start treatment until we see if the antibiotics take care of the infection. and the only way to know that is for me to finish the antibiotics and then do another round of scans.

if the scans show the infection is not gone, then we know it isn't walking pneumonia and i am going to be referred to a pulmonary specialist. they may do some tests where they put tubs down into my lungs and basically flush them out to see if they can get traces of the infection to figure out what is going on. doesn't that sounds like fun? um no. if it is an infection, i may need to go back on steroids again and taper down again. does that sound like fun? um no.

if the scans show the infection is gone, and my liver levels stay good, then i will likely start treatment the first week of september or so.

so it was a long day full of every kind of emotion. i had got myself ready to get back in the fight with treatment. then i had a rough go with the iv and my arms were really hurting. then we got the news and i felt really frustrated, angry, disappointed, name it.

i just feel like i can't get a break.

but i guess the break is that they don't think that these nodules are more tumors. my oncologist thinks we can get this taken care of one way or another, it just a matter of what we need to do and how long it is going to take and what i will have to go through.

so i feel like my emotions are all over the place.

when i got home today, i saw a work email from a man who had shared updates at work about his son who was fighting cancer, his son finished his fight with cancer this morning. that news put me into even more of a tailspin than i felt like i was already in.

ironically from the antiobiotics today i had a rash on both legs and they were swollen. more fun side effects. frankly, it was kind of like the icing on the cancer cake today.

so this day is done, and i am ready to call it.


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