Wednesday, July 6, 2016

the shit and the joy

well this week definitely is including both of those.

the move into the new house is going well. all of our stuff is moved into the new house, most of it is still in boxes or scattered (literally) throughout the house. but we are slowly but surely making progress. we had a bunch of projects we wanted to get done (painting rooms, bead board up, chair rail in one room, a barn wood accent wall) so we are moving our way through those and packing one box at a time. we will get there, just like all things, it will take some time.

but being in the new place is fun and it is tough, we all already miss our old place and these transitions are really hard between the old and the new. for the little kids and the big kids too. there have definitely been tears this week and i know that there will be more as we haven't yet said our final goodbye to our old house. that is going to be tough.

but we know all about things being tough.

i had bloodwork yesterday (needle went in on the first try but left a whopper of a bruise on my arm -- the give and the take). my liver levels were down slightly from last friday which is a trend in the right direction for sure. i was happy about that.

i am going to hear today how long we expect me to stay at this current level of steroids. i am not even going to take a guess at that one. i am feeling ok, definitely not great. the weight gain makes my joints really achy. i go from feeling a high level of energy (like can't sit still) to really, really tired. so i feel a bit all over the place, but after all of this time i am getting used to that just feeling like the current ride that i am on. i haven't had a spike in fevers for over a week now which is good, hopefully the antibiotic is doing its thing. from the fevers i got the worst (literally the worst) cold sores on my mouth which are so painful. they kind of look like mountains -- so if you think you see some new mountain off in the distance when you are out and about today, nope, not a new mountain, just my lips getting the absolute crap kicked out of them.

friday i will have scans, and monday i will get the results. we will check to see the status of what is going on with my right lung.

if we find that treatment is still our current game plan (i.e., looks like tumors on my lung have stayed the same and/or increased), then i won't be able to start any treatment until i am off the steroids which will be a while.

so that is the latest that i know of now.

one day at a time.

so this week is holding the shit and the joy together. being in our new place. starting to develop our new memories there. malena having play dates with her buddies. getting to hang out with our neighborhood friends to watch the fireworks on the 4th. unpacking our things and holding so many memories and pieces of our lives that are so important to us, and finding the perfect place for them in our new house. realizing that some things don't need to be held on to any longer and letting them go on to a new owner that can use them and love them. taking a lot of deep breaths. drying tears. watching either others cues for when it is time to take a break from unpacking boxes and just play monopoly instead. working on the "we have to get this done at the old house" list while simultaneously working on the "we have to get this done at the new house" list.

i hope that you all are having a great week and had a good 4th. those milestone days are always a mixed bag for me with a million emotions around them.

we got to see a great fireworks show and it was amazing to me that the 4th had rolled around again. this last year, as they always do, went by in a flash.

time always, always does.

which is why it is so important to take it all in.

i plan to do that again today.

box by box. moment by moment.

one unwrapped piece of our lives at a time.

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