6

"there are some things you learn best in calm and some best in storm"

(willa cather)

6 years ago today i got the call with the diagnosis.

6 years.

crazy to think about all that has happened in that time.

as always, this day brings up about a million different emotions and tends to throw me off a bit in the days leading into it.

it feels like it carries the weight with it of all that has happened since i got that fateful call.

one surgery to remove the melanoma from my collarbone.

one surgery on my right lung.

one surgery on my left lung.

20 high dose treatments of interferon.

144 doses of interferon over the course of a solid year in my arms.

one dose of the combined drugs.

countless CT scans.

countless MRI scans.

countless PET scans.

more contrast than i care to think about.

millions (literally, i think) of needles in my arms to draw blood.

nausea meds.

pain meds.

steroids.

antibiotics.

oh, and then the side effects (and we all know that there are plenty of long blog post all about that) and the recovery periods.

and the scanxiety. and the stress. and the emotions. and the tears. and the pain. and the sadness. and the anger.

so it is now 5:51am on this day and my day started with excruciating muscle spasms in both legs and feet at the same time around 5am. not a fun way to start the day.

but looking ahead from this moment, the day will be good.

my family is in town. we are going to a baseball game (c'mon mariners, let's do this). my mom has made my favorite red velvet cake.

if i could just drink and have a cold cider at some point today it would pretty damn perfect. damn you steroids and liver, i really - really - really - really miss having a cold cider.

there is so much to look forward to on this day and all of the days to come.

july 16th.

6 years in the fight.

many more years of fighting to come.

right?

right.