next steps

we have determined next steps with my oncologist.

we will do scans on april 6th, get the results of the scans also on april 6th, and determine how we will move forward. that will be a really long day as i will have scans by mid-day and will then have to hang out until my appointment later in the day. good that it will all happen during the same day, bad that i will feel like hell after the scans and have to wait it out until my appointment. but that won't be even close to worse than anything else i have been through.

since my body scans in december did not show any other cancer, and we got it out from my lungs, then this will give us a three month look since surgery to determine if there is anything new to worry about (let's hope not). then we can determine next steps. maybe we will do treatment if my oncologist thinks we may see some longer term benefits. maybe we won't. i am not going to spend too much time thinking through all of that right now as i am still focused on recovering from surgery and feel like i still have quite a ways to go.

i have gone off the pain meds to try and alleviate the word-i-won't-write-about. it has got to the point where i would rather feel the pain that the other option. i have yet to have a day where i have felt good throughout the day, and for some reason, the afternoon seems to be the witching hour for when i start to really not feel good.

my energy level is at zero. it is probably actually in the negatives. if i leave the house to do anything (and let's be clear, the only thing i leave the house to do is ride somewhere and walk around a bit - no skydiving or trapeze lessons for me) i am absolutely wiped out. i am not sure how i am going to make it through a work day when i go back, but i will just take that as it comes.

also, this is random, but i will consider this a public service announcement. if you know someone that is recovering from a surgery, be careful when you go to hug them. yesterday at a meeting for one of malena's activities a mom came up behind me and with no warning gave me a huge hug and squeezed me so hard i almost dropped to my knees. i am sure that she was not even thinking about what she was actually doing, but damn, that really hurt.

so i am laying low these days, not doing much at all. i haven't been able to kick the insomnia but it is getting a little better, i am now getting about 4-5 hours of sleep which is awesome compared to where i was last week at about 2 hours if i was lucky.

i hope that you all had good weekends and that your weeks are off to a good start, and maybe include some skydiving or trapeze lessons;)