8

8 years ago today.

i wore the white dress, he wore the tux.

we said all of the vows, including the one about in sickness and in health.

if i think about what the woman in this picture would have thought that her life would look like in 8 years, i think that she would immediately have said a few things.

2 kids.

happy, healthy.

good jobs.

not driving a mini-van (that was a rule when we got married;))

still loving all gummy candies.

i don't think that she would have ever guessed what it would actually look like.

she would not have guessed that she would have one child. she certainly wouldn't have guessed that her daughter would have had two surgeries at children's hospital by the time that she was a year and a half old.

she would not have guessed that the mole that was barely a spot on her collarbone in this picture would grow without her even realizing it. that by the time that she did realize it after she came out of the fog of her daughter's two surgeries, she would get the news that she never expected.

she would not have guessed that she would be 39 and living with a stage iv diagnosis, but she would totally not be surprised to know that she made it her mission to kick cancer's ass. even then, that girl knew that she loved a good goal.

she would not have guessed that she would no longer have her long blonde curls, and she definitely would not have guessed that she had a pixie cut that was black with red highlights.

she would not have guessed that when people would ask her (like they did yesterday at a birthday party) "oh, do you have only have your daughter?" that she would want to scream "yes, i have a daughter -- and i don't consider her to be my "only", i consider her to be my "everything" and i am thankful that i had her when i was healthy thankyouverymuch" (end scream).

she would not have guessed that she would be pretty damn excited to turn 40, because that means she has been kicking cancer's ass for 5 years and one day and she made it to a milestone that seemed unreachable the day the diagnosis came.

she would not have guessed that she would have run a 5k, a 10k, and be training for a half-marathon. she would be speechless hearing this one, because that girl 8 years ago was not a runner. period. she did not do it, but was sure she would hate it.

she would have not have guessed that she would take trapeze lessons and feel her heart jump out of her chest as she jumped off of the super high platform. but she also would not have guessed that she would go skydiving, ride in a hot air balloon, get a tattoo, or many of the others things that have happened along the way.

she would not have guessed that it was not a given that she would get to live a long life.
but i think that she would have then realized that it is really never a given for anyone, she just didn't really appreciate that fact at the time.

but she would have known that whatever came, she would put up a hell of a fight and she would always be loved.

and maybe that is all that girl 8 years ago really ever needed to know.