39 + a card giveaway

dear 39,

well here we are, we finally meet up. it is really good to see you, i have been waiting for you for a long time.

as i did with 38, i have a lot of high hopes for you my friend.

just so you know what i have in mind, here is a little list of what i plan on being some of the highlights. the joy from seeing malena on our trip to disneyland. her total excitement when we surprise her with a trip in september. short weekend trips. watching her start kindergarten. celebrating her turning 6, and watching her grow into that 6th year and all of the good things it will bring her way. pumpkin patches. halloween. picking out the costume. trick or treating. thanksgiving. christmas and all of the traditions it brings. family and friend birthdays. a million big moments, and just as many small ones. all of them good.

i also intend to slow down in your year to make sure that i take more time to catch my breath and relax. i plan on doing this by saying no to say yes (see episode 17) more in my life. by reading more. by spending more time in my craft room. making more happy mail. creating more. cooking more. finding new recipes. playing more. taking more photos. learning more about topics i am interested in. just taking more time to intentionally slow down the pace.

i am going to have to trust you right from the start. you are beginning at a time that has been unexpectedly tough for me. you come on the heals of july 16th which is always a rough one. you also come close to the time that i would typically be gearing up for scans at the three month mark, and my emotions have kicked in as if those scans were going to happen now. between you and me, i also have a lot of anxiety about not having scans now and wondering what might be going on inside my body that i don't know about. i knew this three month mark would be a rough patch to get over. hopefully those scans will show nothing, i know it will be nothing. there is no other option, right 39? right. but those scans won't happen now, we will have three months together before we come up on scans. so, i need to trust that your first three months are going to treat me well and that you will only bring me good news when those scans do roll around. can you promise me that? i know that you wish that you could, but i will continue to believe and hold out hope that you can deliver even though i know the fates don't leave it all up to you. man, how i wish that they did.

i hope that you give me another 365 days. i hope that they are healthy ones. i hope that you and i can stay close, keep our heads down, not draw any attention from the cancer fates, and make it through while making amazing memories along the way.

you scare me a bit 39 because i don't know what you hold. i am not sure what you will bring my way, and the unknown of you petrifies the daylights out of me. but you are here now and so all i can do is embrace you and trust that you and i will make it through. after all, i have been waiting 13, 870 days for you to show up. so i have a lot time invested in you, and i am so thankful that you are here. i believe in my heart that you will be so worth the wait.

so thank you for showing up, i love you for that more than you know.

despite how you might scare me and cause me concern, i am really excited that you are here and i am anxious to see all of the good things that you are going to bring my way.

it is you and me for the next 365 days, let's plan on more good ones than bad. what do you say? do we have a deal? i thought so, so glad that we are on the same page about that.

also, if you carry me through to your friend 40, i am pretty sure that there will be a party and of course you will totally be invited. 38 and the other years will be getting an invite too so you will have friends to party with. so you might want to keep that in mind when you think about those scans coming up. i know that since you are a lot like me, you probably like hard ciders and i will make sure that there are many of them cold and waiting just for you the night of the party. just a little incentive for your consideration.

well here we go 39, day one. i always like new beginnings, so i am pretty fond of you already.

you be good to me, and i will be good to you.

we've got this. so grab my hand and let's do this.

anywhere you go 39, i go.

sincerely,

me

+++ card giveaway -- i decided that the start of 39 is a great reason to have a card giveaway. right? right. so here is the deal. leave a comment on the blog, email me, text me, leave me a message on fb, instagram, send up smoke signals, skydive out of a plane, send me a telegraph, charter a plane to fly over my house with a sign...whatever way you typically communicate with me, let me know that you want to be entered into the card giveway. let me know by 9pm on thursday (7/17) and i will announce the winner on tomorrow night's post.

i figured that it would be appropriate to give away 5 cards (with stamped envelopes) with my "kicking ass and taking names" stamp to mark 39's arrival. so if you would like a chance to win 5 cards made by yours truly, get in touch by 9pm. good luck;)

4

 

“happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times,

if one only remembers to turn on the light.”

 

(j. k. rowling)

my cancervisary.

1,460 days since that call i picked up when i heard the word "cancer".

there are probably a million things that i could say about this day and what it means.

if you have read this blog long enough, you know what this day holds for me.

the truth is, i am too tired from feeling and thinking about what it brings to write much about it tonight.

so instead i am going to bring a little bit of light to the day.

i am going to sleep in. i am going to watch cartoons with malena for as long as we feel like it. we are going to hang out. i am going to get a massage. i am going to have some dinner out with barrett. i am going to send birthday wishes to my friend mari who celebrates her birthday on july 16th, she is my favorite part of this day every year (happy bday mar-dog;)).

i am going to do my best to minimize the dark. it won't be gone, it always lurks in the shadows, no more on any other day of the year than this one.

but four years later, i am here.

i am here.

that is reason enough to turn on the light.

+++ sharon update - her tumor markers are high so she has some more tests coming up in the next week with results on the 29th. so keep sending your good thoughts and love her way -- i just know that she is going to get good results and will keep kicking cancer in the you-know-what!

these days + sharon

these last couple of days have been filled with many good things.

a visit with beth. my mom's hamburgers, so good. gluten free cupcakes with raspberries that malena picked earlier in the day. campouts. seeing my friend chris marry the one she is meant to be with. hanging out for three days with my mom (who happens to also be a great wedding date). berry mimosas. omelette with roasted potatoes and gluten free toast. checking out artists showing their amazing work. a frozen yogurt pit stop. sunday night dinner with family, with more good burgers. a walk outside with malena as our tour guide. getting some things checked off of the to-do list with my mom's help. laughing with my mom,  especially when we get going and just can't quite stop. watching malena jump, cartwheel, and swing - i love to watch her at gymnastics. monday night picnic at the park. quinoa salad. blueberries. blackberries. strawberries. mango. getting a 2.5 mile run in to end the day. some happy mail in the mailbox.

on tuesday i plan to add one more good thing to my list which would be good test results for sharon. she is going in tuesday at 11:30 to get the results of her latest blood draw, and i just know that those tumor markers are going to be super low. please send her good vibes, mojo and prayers for good news. you've got this sharon, i just know it -- you will keep up our run of good luck;) give cancer a huge kick in the you-know-what.

happy tuesday peeps, hope yours is filled with some good things too. xo

movie fun + mary

one of my favorite summer activities is seeing a movie outside at the park. getting cozied up in chairs with blankets. eating popcorn (and maybe some trail mix with m&ms in it). watching the sun go down. i pretty much love every part of it (minus the porta potties and mosquitos). this time we saw "frozen" (for the millionth time) and it was as good as it always is - i heart olaf and warm hugs. it was a great way to wrap up the middle of the week.

tomorrow mary is going to meet with the oncologist at the cancer center in florida to get her second opinion. so please send your love, mojo, and good vibes her way as she hears what his thoughts are on her fight with the black beast. whatever it is that he tells her, i hope that it allows her to go on a path forward that puts her mind at ease that she is moving in the right direction to kick cancer in the you-know-what.

our weekend around here will be full of good things, i hope that yours will be as well. xo

ps) kevin sheehan -- since you haven't called us yet, does this mean you really aren't going to pick us up and take us to the airport?;) xo

canvas

there are nights when you go to a painting class with six of your girlfriends.

you see a blank canvas and paints and brushes and wonder where to begin.

so you just begin. and you keep painting. and you keep adding color. and you just keep going.

and through all of the colors and the lines and the dots you know that in the center of it all is going to be a little heart. but you just aren't sure how strong that heart is going to be, will it  be the focus, or will it be subtle and blend into its surroundings.

in the end it is a little heart holding its ground in the middle of a million pieces moving around it. and that feels right.

yep, sometimes you start with a blank canvas and you end with something that reflects how your little heart feels at times.

and you realize that on this day you were meant to paint.

and you kind of love that.

and so does your little heart.

thankful

i am thankful for fireworks that lit up the sky on the 4th of july.

i am thankful for sharing a big bag of kettle corn with my girl while we waited for the fireworks to start.

i am thankful for a few days spent at home having down time to just focus on projects that we wanted to work on. so nice to work on my own projects instead of the ones that i focus on at work each day.

i am thankful for multiple nights of camp outs and morning cartoons.

i am thankful for pancakes on a slow morning with awesome maple syrup my parents brought me from their recent trip back east.

i am thankful for getting to have lunch dates with barrett two days in a row at our favorite restaurant.

i am thankful for meeting up with a friend for tea to catch up on life, the good and the tough.

i am thankful for my flowers that are exploding in colors on my deck, love to look at and water those each night.

i am thankful for my legs that carried for me over 12 miles in the last five days on some good training runs.

i am thankful for some happy mail showing up just when it was needed.

i am thankful for finding two new books that bring me food and home inspiration.

i am thankful for a saturday afternoon spent under the trees walking through the details of a dear friend's upcoming wedding and seeing the twinkle of happiness in her eyes.

i am thankful for a late lunch with these three.

i am thankful for a dinner catching up two friends over some of my favorite food and hearing their laughter and remembering how many times over the years i have loved hearing those sounds.

i am thankful for discovering gluten free angel food cake at whole foods today. that was a game changer my friends. big time. summer just got a whole lot better.

i am thankful for a monday night picnic at the park. i am telling you, mondays are so much better when they involve picnics. so. much. better.

i am thankful that beth continues to heal from her surgery and keeps up her fighting attitude day in and day out.

i am thankful for mary keeping up her determination to beat the black beast. mary is going to fly to florida this week to get a second opinion on what her next steps should or should not be, proud of her for listening to her inner voice and doing what is right for her. mary would also like me to tell all of you that have or will be sending her happy mail how grateful she is to you. in her words "i continue to receive awesome words of support and gifts. i wish i could thank everyone personally. please thank everyone on my behalf on your blog in the future. it truly has been a blessing."

i am thankful for chaser continuing to show improvement, here is the latest update:
"On our way back from a great weekend with Family and Friends in Sioux Country. Mom and Dad Lykken celebrated 50yrs of Marriage together this weekend with a party in Grand Forks. It was great to see all the relatives and friends there to support Mom and Dad on their big day- especially for Tanner and Ava! They had 2 days filled with hide-n-go seek, water balloon fights, swimming- non stop fun. At times it was a little tough for Lisa and I to sit and watch from our corner on the couch- suctioning Chaser and telling him he will be able to play like that again someday, knowing how much Chaser would have been right there in the pack. We know how blessed we are to have him here- but man ....do we miss our little dude!
Although the Canadian side of the family held the majority of numbers present at the party, it was the American side that dominated in the corn hole toss game! And while the boys were out in the back yard playing bags, Chaser stayed inside and got some extra TLC from Marilyn, Michelle, and Lornell- and he was lovin it! His fingers were so relaxed they were straight out, and not curved for the first time in months. Chase did really well on the trip down and hasn't made a peep yet half way home- I wish I could say that for the other two, but they are brother and sister :)
Chaser has had a really good week. He is still showing absolutely no signs of seizures since the removal of Keppra- and tomorrow we start our last week of weaning him off of Gabenpentin, which he is handling this well. The Dantrolene we started him on last week really seems to be helping with his tone. He is much looser and he hasn't had a full fledge throw-up in almost 2 weeks! Hopefully this trend continues, it would be nice to see Chaser gain a few pounds. His secretions are still an ongoing battle, needing to be suctioned much more than he used to- hopefully this is due to allergies and will pass in time. His breathing is still very loud. We get asked all the time if he snoring....no, thats just our little goose. We are back at Mayo on Tuesday and Wednesday for a follow-up with his neurologist, and another eye exam. They more than likely will not be able to tell us if he can see or not, but they will be able to determine the condition of his eyes and if they react to stimuli."

i am thankful for malena still wanting me to lay next to her when she falls asleep.

i am thankful for quinoa salad.

i am thankful for almond butter toast and cinnamon apple tea in the morning.

i am thankful that i am so lucky to have so much good in my life.

i hope that you have a good tuesday, may it remind you of something you are thankful for.

summer

hello summer, good to see you.

we have had some nice weather around here lately which is always a good reminder of how amazing the summers are in the pacific northwest.

i am looking forward to all of the fun things to come in the next couple of months, lots of plans that will create a lot of great memories.

over the next couple of days, we are going to lay pretty low and focus on projects that have been on our to do list for a while. but there will also be some fun in the mix as well, and you know there will be campouts and time out on our deck with my lights (man, i am so in love with those lights).

also, here are a couple of things i have been liking lately...
+++ i have added daring greatly and girl boss to my book list after reading so many good reviews on both. more time to read, that is one of my summer goals that i am going to make happen.
+++ i would love to do a photo comparison like this one of what malena & i are each into these days.
+++ i think this is such a great idea and i plan on asking malena some questions soon for an addition to our photo album
+++ i thought about our couch when i read ali's post about her table, might be writing a blog on that soon.
+++ on a day like today filled with lots of tears due to classroom transitions, when we try our best to find some kind of balance in the day, this letter pretty much sums it up.
+++ the posts on kelly purkey's blog are making me want to jump on a plane to paris, immediately.
+++ i pretty much want to stay home all day and work on all 15 of these

i hope that you have a great and safe 4th, and if you need a fun drink to make at a bbq, these look pretty good. xo