hillary

in my last post, i talked about hillary who is the melanoma patient who shared her story during the stand up to cancer event on friday. this is the video with her story (i know sometimes the video doesn't work for those who get blog updates via email, so here is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-4gPEmBINU. i hope that you watch it so that you can hear her story in her own words. it isn't easy to watch, but she deserves to have her story heard. it will give you a sense of the realities of melonoma. i would want my story to be heard, and i would want you to listen. xo.

stand up

"life is brief, even at its longest. whatever you are going to do with your life, get at it. all good will be attacked. all values must be defended. in all areas of the human existence, what we put into this world, we get back from it."

(jim rohn)

on friday night, we watched the "stand up 2 cancer" event. it is always an important - but tough, show to watch. although i knew it would be hard, i needed to watch it. i wanted to hear the stories of others who have bravely fought cancer, to hear about the research and the doctors that are working hard to find needed cures. it was hard to watch throughout the hour, but it also gave me hope. when hillary's story, who had been diagnosed with stage III melanoma came on, i lost it (no surprise there). she explained that she was stage III when she was diagnosed and so the melanoma was pretty far along at that point. that was probably the moment when i literally could not stop the tears from coming. stage III, that is eerily familiar. when she took off her wig to show her doctor her shaved head, i flashed to when i showed my oncologist my hairless head. when they showed her parents supporting her, i thought about all of the support we have had from our parents, and how my parents come and stay with us on the days that i have scans and the following day when i get my results. hillary is doing a trial treatment with hopes that it brings a miracle for her or others. she asked the doctor how long she would have if she didn't do the trial. the doctor asked how long she would hope to have. hillary said she would like a year, the doctor's silence made it clear that she wouldn't have a year. hillary talked about how she believes that even if her life isn't saved, then maybe someone else's will be by her fight. i too have thought a lot about the benefits that may from my diagnosis. even though i am scared beyond belief of what is to come, i take comfort in the friends and family that have gone in for appointments with their dermatologists to have their skin checked. some have had to have biopsies, but they have all been clear and i am so very thankful for that. if one person i love gets their skin checked in time to avoid what i have been through, some good will have come from all of this.

this weekend i also saw on a melonoma blog that a woman who was diagnosed in 2010 with stage III passed away this week. my heart goes out to her family, from the words shared about her, it is obvious she was a fighter.

between the show and the blog update, my head and heart have been heavy this weekend. sleep has been evading me. hearing the realities of others stories is never easy for me. but none of this is easy or it wouldn't be cancer.

i did stick to my plan and sign up for a 5k run in seattle in december. i don't run. at all. but like i said in an earlier post, i need a goal to work towards. this will be a good one - really tough, but really needed. so today i put on my brand new running shoes and started training. one step at a time.

i will stand up to cancer, and i will run.

with my new shoes on, i am hoping more than you know that cancer won't be able to catch up to me.

good start

the weekend is off to a good start.

i spent the afternoon kicking it in downtown seattle with a perfect partner in crime. a gorgeous day and a great way to ring in the weekend.

the card giveaway goes to michelle (lucky for you random generator selected #5 which was you) - woohoo!! i found some awesome vintage paper today to back the "you rock" stamp. here is a hint.

bring on the weekend. xo.

hello weekend, good to see you

oh friday, i am happy to see you. where have you been all week?

tonight malena wanted to go to the pet store to say hello to the animals, one of the routines that she does with her mema and papa. she had so much fun checking out the animals, she is such an animal lover. there was a little stool in the store, and she just started moving that stool around to wherever she wanted it to be in the store so that she could see the animals. it was hilarious, that girls knows what she wants and makes it happen (i know, i think that she gets that trait from me too;)) random thursday outing, very fun.

i am looking forward to this weekend and catching up on life.

a couple of highlights:
+++ soccer and swimming for malena
+++ i am going to buy happier at home, i really, really liked the happiness project so i am expecting the same for this one. saw good reviews on it today, including this one and this one
+++ i am going to complete my first assignment for my "unraveling class" which i am so thankful that i signed up for - class started this week and i am soaking it all up
+++ purchasing a new photo printer so that i can start documenting life - big step for me to start tackling photos....healing.
+++ signing up for a 5K run in december, good short term training goal to get my feet on the pavement to start gearing up for the half-marathons next year
+++ buying running shoes, never would have guessed that would be something that would be on my "to do" list. ever.
+++ fun and relaxation

i will also be making 5 cards to give away to the winner of the giveaway, remember to leave your comment on the blog by 5pm friday if you want a chance to win. i will post the winner friday night. good luck peeps!

i hope that you all have a great weekend, enjoy it!

sidenotes:
+++ i hear that it might rain in seattle on sunday, i may need to buy a pair of these awesome rain boots to get prepared
+++ if you had a little one start school this week, you might want to read this blog about remembering the first day
+++ drooling over this blueberry recipe. yum.
+++ for the moms, a good read for keeping it real (thanks jill for sharing)
+++ you know that i could do serious damage on this site that has laptop/phone covers with kelly rae roberts designs. oh my.
+++ i would so love to write a blog with malena, what a great mom/daughter experience
+++ this sprinkles-themed party is awesome
+++ super cute ideas for a baby shower

fun mail, want some?

last week i found some stamps on-line that i knew i just had to have.

this one and this one.

love them, and they showed up in my mailbox today.

amazing how fun it is to get a package in the mail that you have been (semi-patiently) waiting for. i can't wait to get crafting with these new stamps.

so in honor of the fun mail that was waiting in my mailbox today, i think that it is giveway time so that i can send some fun mail to one of you.

great idea, right? right.

so, here is the deal. leave a comment on the blog (for those of who get updates via email you will need to go to the actual blog to leave a comment) by 5pm friday. i will use the random number wizard doodad to select a winner.

fun idea, right? right.

i will make 5 cards using my new stamps, and will include stamped envelopes as well. i will send them out on monday to the super duper lucky winner.

pretty awesome, right? right.

so if you would like some fun mail to come your way, head over the blog and leave me a comment (marcie-roo, like last time, one comment means one comment - not multiple comments. we are clear on that now, right?;) xo)

happy thursday peeps, the weekend is only one looooooooooong day away.

why?

some days are easier than others.

when we were making dinner tonight, malena told us that her teacher was going to have a baby and so the baby was growing in her tummy. that was the first time that she has talked about a baby in that way - never before had she made the connection to where babies come from. she then asked me if i was going to have a baby growing in my tummy. the excitement in her question was palpable. she loves, loves babies.

in that second following her question, i felt like the wind had got knocked out of me and that i was going to immediately start bawling.

i literally felt like i had to catch my breath. i told her that i didn't know if i would ever have another baby growing in my tummy. of course, she asked why not. the "why?" questions are endless these days. i told her that i just wasn't sure. there are of course a million things that i wish i could tell her about why that is such a hard question for me to answer, and how she had no idea how much i wish that i could answer that question with a simple yes.

i made it through dinner with tears randomly falling. but when i finished, i told barrett i needed some time. i went upstairs, curled up in a ball in the dark, and cried my eyes out. i can't even write this without the tears falling.

that conversation with her probably lasted less than 15 seconds, but it felt like time was standing still.

i just wasn't ready for that question, i never would have been regardless of when it came. i know it won't be the last time that we talk about it so i need to brace myself for the next time. i think that it was especially tough today because i had thought a lot yesterday about siblings. malena and i played all day yesterday. throwing a party for her animals. pretending we owned a vet office and cleaned all of her stuffed animals - like 5 times each (times 15 animals). playing store. on and on. i love playing with her. but part of me thought about how much i wish that she had a brother or sister to play with too. i thought about that when i went to sleep last night and today when i was at work. so no suprise that i lost it when the question came from her tonight.

some days are tougher than others.

weekender

a great three day weekend, packed with family and fun. my most favorite kind of weekend.

highlights included:
+++ berry lemonade mimosas. yum.

+++ breakfast at portage bay with the family to kick off jessica's 21st celebration.

+++ malena's first time at a putt putt golf course, she loved it. i think that we may have a professional player on our hands. look out tiger, here she comes.

+++ a day at emerald downs betting on the ponies. my longshots didn't come through, so i will be going back to work tomorrow. bummer. but it was a good day regardless, including some race watching with my dad.

+++ malena decided today that we needed to have another party for all of her animals. so we used our extra birthday plates and made a lunch of animal crackers and raisins. we also had to decorate all of the doors and windows with ribbons for the party. all of her animals had a great time. that girl definitely knows how to throw a good party.

hello tuesday, i like you better than monday, you get me one day closer to friday.

sidenote:
+++ if you have a child going into kindergarten this year (hooch, this is the one that i told you about), you need to read this, but you will need to grab some kleenex first. trust me.
+++ very inspired by the quote below that i saw on this blog post. a scar does not form on the dying. i am going to remember that each time i see one of my mine.

"On the girl's brown legs there were many small white scars. 

I was thinking, 

Do those scars cover the whole of you, like the stars and the moons on your dress? 

I thought that would be pretty too, 

and I ask you right here please to agree with me 

that a scar is never ugly. 

That is what the scar makers want us to think. 

But you and I, we must make an agreement to defy them. 

We must see all scars as beauty. 

Okay? This will be our secret. 

Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying.

 A scar means, I survived."

 -from Little Bee by Chris Cleave