bubbles

it is that time of year again. bubbles. bubbles. bubbles. when the weather is nice, there is nothing that malena loves more than being outside and blowing bubbles. we had a great time today playing out on the deck. blowing bubbles. laughing. blowng bubbles. laughing. you get the picture. the sunshine (even if only showing up for a day or two at a time) is helping my mood to pick up a little bit (you were right wallace). bring on summer. i am ready.

this weekend i learned that kristian anderson passed away from cancer. so very sad. i have posted about kristian before. i first heard of him when i saw the video that he made for his wife. although i have posted it before, i am posting it again for obvious reasons. i hope that you will take a couple of minutes to watch it as a way to honor him. i am sending good thoughts out to his wife and children in australia.

sidenotes:
+++ if you need a unique, handmade baby gift, you should order one of these blocks. i first received one when malena was born, and have given many more since then as gifts.
+++ if you like banana muffins, this recipe might be for you
+++ i am totally inspired by the homespun hostess - saw her ideas in "mingle" and she definitely knows how to throw a cool party
+++ had fun looking at all of the fun party ideas on this site

hello monday, i think that i am ready for you.

fairy

pretty sure that with a fairy like this on my side only good things can come my way, right? right.

sidenotes:
+++ chris, tnx again for the info on the fairy pics  - you rock;)
+++ moms will love reading this article (tnx for sharing em)
+++i picked out my mother's day present. kelly rae roberts put some of her original paintings up for sale today. i purchased this one. i am a happy girl. can't wait for it to show up. i could not pass up the opportunity to have one of her originals. so excited. happy mom's day to me a little early;)

tully's

this morning i stopped in at a tully's before my first meeting of the day to do some work. the tully's was near my old office and i hadn't been in there for years. i remember the very first time i sat in a chair within those four walls. i was waiting to walk across the street for a job interview. that one hour in that one interview years ago, and the offer that followed, would forever alter the course of my life. the career i would have. the friends i would make. the husband i would meet. the baby girl i would adore. sitting in that chair today looking across the street at where my life took a major turn was grounding for me. in some ways that interview felt like a million years ago. in some ways that interview felt like two seconds ago. the girl who sat there in her new suit all those years ago had no clue where life was going to take her. but i clearly remember that was she was ready to find out.

also grounding for me was reading this article - amazing strength (thank you sasha for sending it to me).

getting a little bit more grounded each day. i like that.

sidenotes:
+++ i think that malena would totally dig this on earth day
+++ loved seeing kelly rae roberts house - awesome
+++ i have not read an april meeker blog yet that i haven't really liked
+++i could do serious damage shopping on this site
+++this totally cracked me up (jen/michelle - did you know that our boyfriend was so great? love him more than ever;))
+++jon...i had dinner at red robin (or "chicken robin" as malena calls it) tonight. wondering when you are going to fly in from bangkok for dinner like the old times. hurry up already and stop moving farther away from me. not ok. xo.
+++have always meant to watch this show as i have heard great things about it, going to tune in for the new episode coming up. probably with a glass of reisling by my side.

benign

my favorite word.

my dermatologist called today. i missed his call and saw a voicemail on my phone from his number. i closed my office door and looked at the voicemail prompt for about two minutes. i worked myself up to listen to the message. what a relief. i think that i will actually sleep tonight.

i really like getting good news. there is still that part of me that feels like i should quietly celebrate to not draw attention to myself from the cancer gods. there is still that part of me that wonders why i get good news when other cancer patients don't. there is still that part of me that is happy. there is still that part of me that feels thankful. there is still that part of me that feels guilty. there is still that part of me that thinks i am one more good result away from cancer. there is still that part of me that thinks i am one more good result closer to a relapse.

tonight i went out with some friends for a happy hour to celebrate two dear friend's birthdays. i didn't say anything about my results. i figured i could do that tomorrow. i knew that they would want to know the results. but i just wanted to enjoy a night with my friends. to hear their laughter. to see their smiles. to listen to their stories. i didn't feel like cancer deserved to be part of the night. so i enjoyed the time. i didn't give cancer the satisfaction of being included in the time that was about my good friends celebrating another year of life.

benign.

how sweet it is.

eggs...and some candy:)

"easter tells us that life is to be interpreted not simply in terms of things,

but in terms of ideals."

(charles m. crowe)

this quote was on an easter card i got in the email today (you rocked the card like always jill). how is it possible that it is easter time again? wasn't it just christmas? time is seriously flying by this year. it will be the fourth of july (and raining in seattle) before we know it.

+++malena and i baked our cadbury mini-egg cookies tonight. seriously, they are so good. as you can see, i did manage to not eat all of the mini-eggs before i made the cookies. but malena and i did have a few while we were baking just to make sure that they were edible;)

+++ our easter decorations have been crafted up - we had a blast making these bunnies, it was a good team effort

+++ i am ready for my mom's homemade eggs benedict. yum. might have to take down a mimosa (or three) while i eat. yum.
+++ egg dyeing
+++ egg finding
+++baskets full of fun and candy (malena loves her m&ms)
+++tea party for the little ladies
+++laughter, laughter, laughter

happy easter peeps, i hope that you get to eat one too:)

dorm

last weekend we headed over to pullman to see my sister and my niece, and it was a weekend of many firsts.

 - we got to check out my niece's dorm which was super fun. the last time that i was in a dorm room was when i took her on a college tour at western (which she didn't pick, but i love her just as much as a cougar). before taking her on that tour a couple of years ago, i hadn't been in a dorm since i was in college. walking into her dorm sent college memories flooding back. some of my best and lifelong friends are the ones that i met while living in 111 nash and 447 kappa. i wouldn't trade those memories for anything. it was very cool to see malena walking around a dorm and checking it all out, i wondered what her first dorm room would look like and the friends she would make. i  hope that she will be as fortunate as i was, she will consider herself to be very lucky. i know that without a doubt.
- we walked around the campus on a beautiful sunny day. i loved following behind malena and watching her take the campus in and ask a million questions about everything that she saw (including watching the football players on the practice field which she was totally entertained by). i thought about which school she would go to. i wondered for a few moments if i would be around to walk with her on her college campus. but i only thought about that for a little bit and then kept walking forward watching her make her way across the bricks.
- we went for ice cream, but this time was different. malena always picks mint chocolate chip. always. this time she picked "the pink kind" aka strawberry. i was so surprised. i was also excited to see her make a new decision. we may just have a new favorite.
- malena's first time in idaho. check another state off of the to do list.
- malena and i had a slumber party each night. she wanted me to sleep right by her and she would fall asleep facing me with her forehead right against mine. very fun. our first time crashing under sleeping bags.
- first road trip with my newphew and malena. she was so entertained making funny faces at him and laughing, and laughing, and laughing. for mile after mile. so fun to watch and hear. pure joy. couldn't help put laugh along.

a weekend of firsts. couldn't have been better.

sidenotes:
+++ read my first issue of mamalode front to back. love. love. love. i am entering a contest to win six free issues so i can share the love.
+++for the ladies....if you are on facebook and have the timeline, curly girl designs created new covers like the one below. awesome. if you "like"her page on fb, there is more info from her post on monday.



+++ totally identified with this article, i too feel the need to turn a corner. reading this article was the push i needed. sometimes the perfect words come at the perfect time.
+++this weekend i am going to make cookies but will substitute chocolate chips with cadbury mini eggs (em - i am still drooling from your pictures last week). yum. i just have to figure out how to not eat the mini eggs before i get them into the cookies. that might (will) be tricky for me. (michelle -i have already made some good progress on the bag you sent me;))
+++sharon - loooove the good news about your tests this week - so great!!!! enjoy it - you deserve it. 

happy friday peeps.

stitched

today was my dermatologist appointment to have him look at the mole that i was concerned about on my head.

he biopsied it. i figured that was likely since the color had changed over the last couple of weeks. better safe than sorry.

as always, it shook me up. the bright lights in my eyes when he brought them close to my face to help him see. feeling him cut a little patch of my hair so that he could do the biopsy. the sting of the needle going in so that he could numb my skin. the pressure of the biopsy. the pull when he put the stitches in. the wipe of the alcohol to clear the blood. the feel of the bandage on my skin.

so i wait on results again. i really hate waiting on results. but it is what it is. i take comfort that i am paying close enough attention to get in as soon as i see changes.

i wonder if my head will be bruised in the morning like my arms are when i have stitches. i am hoping that i might just be so tired tonight that i can get some sleep. i barely got any last night tossing and turning about the appointment today.

results won't likely be back until next week.

i will keep you posted. send good vibes to my head...and my heart. xo.