release

tonight i went to a hot sauna appointment for the first time.

my nutritionist wanted me to start going to help get any toxins out of my body.

it felt good to be in that little sauna for 30 minutes solo. it was quiet and a good time to think and relax. and oh yeah, it was super hot but i always tend to run cold so i didn't really mind that.

when i left the sauna, i happened to look at instagram as i was walking to a store a few doors down.

the first thing i saw was this quote, "release the need to know why that happened. because you know what? it doesn't matter. what matters is reclaiming the fire it'll take you to rebuild your energy again. and what matters is rediscovering the ridiculous amount of beauty right here, and right now straight into the pulsing, tangible, gloriously sweet center of this and only this present moment. what matters is now. not then." (victoria erickson)

i definitely feel like i have been rebuilding my energy since surgery, that is for sure. i have a work deadline at 8am tomorrow, but instead of cancelling my suana appointment to work straight through the evening, i kept the appointment. i decided that the sauna was a promise i made to myself, and not doing that because of work was not in line with my priorities (which i clearly knew, but needed to give myself a little kick in the you-know-what when work deadlines loom and stress levels are high).

i was thinking in the sauna about how ironic life is. if you would have asked me pre-diagnosis if in my 40th year i would eat avocado toast with hemp and chia seeds, run in 10k events, drink green teas like they were going to get taken away from me, get cravings for kale and green juices, etc., i would never have seen it all coming.

but now i can't imagine life without all of these things, and so i will often say a little prayer for all of the good things that have changed in my life from cancer.

saying thanks for all of the good is i suppose a way to "reclaim the fire".

one stick, one match, one day at a time.