38

dear 38,

it is good to see you today, i wasn't sure that you would show up. but, i am so very glad that you did.

i hope that in this coming year, you bring me good scan results and that the word "treatment" isn't one that becomes part of my reality. if we can accomplish this, you might just be in the running for the title of my favorite year yet. i have had a lot of good years, so the competition is fierce (not a threat, but just so that you get your game on). but i think you have a pretty good shot, so put your best effort forward.

i look forward to you bringing me a million more memories with my family and friends. i want another year to watch malena grow. i would love for you to include more trips, more firsts, more everything and more anything. just more. yes, just more. please. please. please.

i think that i feel differently about you than other people might. i often hear people say how much they dread getting older as they come up on another birthday. between you and me, i can barely stand it when i hear words like that and it takes everything i have to keep my mouth shut. but i do keep my mouth shut, because everyone has different perspectives, and rightly so. but if i were to open my lips, they would tell the person that they should feel so lucky to have a birthday, even more so if they have been blessed to have a year of good health. yes, a birthday signifies getting a year older - but that is the whole point, life granted you an entire additional year. you got 365 days. you got to live. you should celebrate that. you are lucky. you should embrace it and say your thanks, you got more time, the best possible gift. you didn't even have to spend one moment of the previous year thinking about whether or not you would live long enough to see that next birthday. it was just a given for you. more time was just a given. you should thank your lucky stars once every single day. maybe twice. ok, maybe three times just to be sure the fates hear you.

i will celebrate you quietly this year as i have in the past three years. i know that you know this by now. but i still don't celebrate too loudly around birthdays or good scan results. i feel like too much celebration can cause the cancer fates to feel that i don't still take them seriously. i know that i should celebrate loudly, but i can't shake the feeling that i will be punished if i do. so i will go with my gut, there is comfort in that for me. i will embrace the day doing things that make me happy, and with all of my heart, i will thank you for giving me this day. a new start on a new year. i will make it worth it. i promise.

as a heads-up, if i live to see my 40th birthday (and to clarify, i totally plan on it), i might celebrate a little bit louder on that day. just between you and me, i would feel like celebrating that birthday might be a little bit of a f*&# you to the cancer fates, and one that i think that they would agree i deserved. but that doesn't mean i love you any less 38, i will invite you to that party, you will have helped me get there after all.

more time.

that is really the only present that i want. i want as much time as i can possibly get. i promise you that i will make the most of everyday and will make you proud by living a good life and giving out a lot of love.

i look forward to seeing how you and i move forward my friend.

thanks again for showing up, i am so grateful to have you here with me.

you and me. we can do this. we just have to stick together through the good and the bad. hopefully way more of the former than the later.

anywhere i go 38, you go.

with much love,

me