monday results

"for a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. the shell cracks. its insides come out and everything changes. to someone who doesn't understand growth, it would look like complete destruction."

(cynthia occelli)

today was a long/good/tiring day.

first up was bloodwork through my port.

then we met with the nurses and the doctor.

i had a surprise for them and my scheduler -- thank you cards and packages of cadbury mini-eggs, and they were the hit of the day for them. so fun to see them excited to be appreciated for all of the work that they do. i could not have made it through the last two months and the grueling day in and day out of february and march made me appreciate them even more than i already did with the endless calls, change in meds, getting my appointments booked, making me comfortable when i was so sick i could not move, etc. they rock and i wanted to make sure that they knew what. it was so fun to see them to so excited --- and how unanimously we all love cadbury mini-eggs. if you don't, you should. for reals. trust me. they are basically the best thing that has ever happened to candy. and they only come out at the easter time (which is why i save a few bags to get me through the spring time;)).

my bloodwork looked good. so guess what. as of today, i am off of the steroids. woohoo! so happy about that. if i was not so tired, i would be over the moon - so i am like halfway over the moon with excitement because my energy level can't get me quite over the moon. i think i need some type of catapult;)

i am still on the anxiety meds and probably will be for a while. the anxiety is still definitely there and i don't see not needing help for a while.

i had an appointment with a social worker next who i had never met before and she is the new counselor for the melanoma clinic and i really liked her. i think that i will get appointments set up with her to have someone to talk to besides the psych specifically about the anxiety meds.

so all in all, good day. off the roids which was the main thing. that should help my overall demeanor. lucky barrett.

i am having a lot of issues with my stability when i walk so i am definitely relying on my cane to get me around. that might be the anxiety meds, might get better when the steroids get out of my system.

so friday i go in early for bloodwork and then scans. results are on monday.

we are not going to do the 4th dose of the treatment because of all the issues that i had with the third. so the best that we can hope for is that the three treatments shrunk the tumors. pending my results on monday, i may do an infusion with just one drug. we will see, it will all depend on the scan results. doesn't everything always depend on the scan results? it sure as hell feels like it.

well i am really tired so i am going to head to bed.

thanks for all the mojo, love and prayers as we head into scans --- we need all the goodness we can get. i can only hope that if the three treatments kicked my ass the last two months they shrunk the tumors.

anywhere i fight, you fight.

today was a long day. but we got some progress. so we will take it.

now we need shrinking tumors on monday.

let's make it happen.

xoxo