last one of the year

today was my last scan of 2016.

things were pretty standard until they injected the contrast in my port during the scan.

i wrote last time about how the contrast moves much more quickly through my system with the port than it does when it comes through the iv in my arm. i felt some nausea last time (which was my first time getting the injection through my port) but nothing like it felt like today.

as soon as the contrast starting moving through my body (it feels warm so i can literally feel it moving inside of my body) it was like a massive tsunami of nausea hit me. i felt like i was immediately going to throw up all over the inside of the machine and myself. in my head i was thinking of yelling at the tech "pull me out! pull me out! pull me out!" because i was inside the machine. but i knew that was the exact moment they were going to take the scan. so somehow i stopped myself from vomiting while holding my breath. as soon as i rolled out of the machine i started taking huge breaths trying to stop myself from getting sick.

i made it to the recovery area and for about 30 minutes i just sat on the couch, hunched over on my side, wrapped in a blanket, trying to breathe, and i did not move a muscle. i could not even talk i was so nauseas. i was finally able to get some apple chips down and a string cheese and took one of my nausea pills that usually knocks me out. but because i was behind the nausea, it didn't immediately help. i was able to get into the car to head home. i walked in from the car and went straight to bed. i couldn't even take the 10 extra steps to tell malena hi because i had to lay down as soon as possible. i was in bed for most of the afternoon.

the nausea got a tiny bit better through the rest of the day, but even as i write this, i am nauseas.

we get results on the 4th and those will determine next steps.

so we have a long wait this time around.

thanks for all of the continued good vibes and love.

anywhere i fight, you fight. xo