zzzzzzzzz

i know that i have said this before.

but man, i have been so tired since friday.

i spent a lot of the weekend sleeping because i just could not stay awake. pretty sure that it was my body's way of saying "whether you like it or not, you are going to rest. right now."

in terms of the side effects, from the port, i am still pretty sore and am taking tylenol on a regular basis.

the area around the incisions and port has been really itchy, and though i barely touch the area, it is so odd to feel that port inside my body. i am definitely not used to that, and may never be. that has been a harder adjustment for me than the scars and the healing.

i woke up sunday with my eyes almost swollen shut, i think that is from the treatment. that got better as the day went on. but i have quite a bit of swelling in my face and my ankles and feet still. it is crazy how much my ankles and feet hurt from the swelling.

so the list of aches/pains go on and i will admit, it is all pretty frustrating at this point. i think that i would trade nausea for all of these other side effects. yep, they are that frustrating. they wear me down much more physically and emotionally than the nausea.

my next treatment will be next monday the 19th.

in the meantime, while dealing with all of the above, there has of course been my fair share of joy.

watching the dream team scientists on the stand up to cancer show on friday night and feeling encouraged by the stories of people dedicating their lives to finding cures. getting some laughs in with my parents. a gluten free scone (thanks hooch for the recommendation). time with barrett and malena. neighborhood movie night while watching ice age with friends. celebrating the upcoming arrival of my good friend's baby girl and seeing her happiness. having friend's laughter fill the walls of our home. feeling so damn thankful that my college days brought some of the girls that i love the most. sleeping (yes, there was joy in that). opening happy mail. the awesome lemon bars that my mom made (i could have ate the entire pan. by myself. in like five minutes flat. seriously). enjoying have flowers in our kitchen. did i mention the lemon bars?

so we will see what the upcoming days will bring and how i will feel. i can only guess on that, and at this point, i am not going to because i am sure that i will be wrong one way or another.

i hope that you had a great start to your week, and i hope that it has some fun and magic ahead for you.

we can all use some of that.

onward we go (slowly because of the ankles).