round 2 (hopefully)

round 2 is scheduled for tomorrow.

we will see how it goes.

8am bloodwork.

9:00 oncologist appt.

9:30 counseling.

10:30 infusion (if bloodwork cooperates).

i am really hoping that my liver is going to cooperate with me tomorrow and i will be able to get another dose.

but we shall see. as i have learned over this summer, my liver has a mind of its own (and the fact i haven't had one taste of a cold cider since may in order to keep my liver as healthy as possible doesn't seem to make it behave either. which is pretty frustrating at times all the time).

in the meantime, the side effects seem to be consistent now with swollen ankles/feet, pretty constant muscle aches throughout my legs, some other swelling that seems to be sticking around, and this last week brought some waves of nausea during some of the days. i might be imagining it, but it also seems like a lot of my hair has fallen out in the last week, so we will see if this is an unusual week or if that is a sign of things to come (or, to lose).

the area around my port and the scars is still really tender and hurts. so i am still loving tylenol and nursing my left side a bit. you should see me in the morning trying to get up and moving, between my sore left side and my legs, it is quite a production.

and oh yeah, the other side effect, tiredness.

this weekend i pretty much just listened to my body and rested as much as possible. slept in. took naps. got in a lot of sleep. i think my body was telling me that it really needed some time to just rest. so i listened. which is hard for because if you know me well, i am not usually sitting still and i like crossing things off my to do list like no one's business.

but, i have also realized over these last months that i need to really give myself some grace. if things don't get checked off the list, that is ok. they will be there tomorrow (and the next day, and the next day). and that is ok (even if it drives me bonkers which is where the grace is trying to come in).

this weekend i was able to go out and cheer on my awesome friend jen who was walking 60 miles over three days to raise funds for breast cancer research in memory of her beloved aunt and many others. for about three hours, i watched a majority of the 600 walkers walk by and cheered each and every one of them on. every one of those people was walking because their life has been touched by cancer, whether it was the individual directly or someone they loved. i did that walk twice and i know how hard it is. i also know how emotional it is. but there is nothing about cancer that isn't emotional. there was no place i would have rather been on saturday, regardless of the fact that it was so windy and cold outside. i was just cheering in that weather, they were walking 20 miles in it. i had zero room to complain. is it hard to be at events like that for me? absolutely. will i choose to do it again and again? absolutely. because when your friends show up to get in the fight, so do you.

jen has done this walk numerous times and has raised over $25,000 for breast cancer research. one word: hero.

earlier this week i saw this kal barteski print and it says it better than i could. so of course i bought myself one. and i know exactly where i am going to put it so that i can see it every morning. "you will want to give up. don't." i am not planning on it.

monday is my brother's birthday (you know, the one who stalks my bedtimes according to the times i post blogs;)), so i am pretty sure that means that all will go well tomorrow because he is going to bring me good mojo.

so happy birthday to my awesome brother, and to the rest of you, happy monday - i really hope it is a good one for you.

anywhere i fight, you fight.

round 2, we are coming for you (insert fist emoji here).