release

tonight i went to a hot sauna appointment for the first time.

my nutritionist wanted me to start going to help get any toxins out of my body.

it felt good to be in that little sauna for 30 minutes solo. it was quiet and a good time to think and relax. and oh yeah, it was super hot but i always tend to run cold so i didn't really mind that.

when i left the sauna, i happened to look at instagram as i was walking to a store a few doors down.

the first thing i saw was this quote, "release the need to know why that happened. because you know what? it doesn't matter. what matters is reclaiming the fire it'll take you to rebuild your energy again. and what matters is rediscovering the ridiculous amount of beauty right here, and right now straight into the pulsing, tangible, gloriously sweet center of this and only this present moment. what matters is now. not then." (victoria erickson)

i definitely feel like i have been rebuilding my energy since surgery, that is for sure. i have a work deadline at 8am tomorrow, but instead of cancelling my suana appointment to work straight through the evening, i kept the appointment. i decided that the sauna was a promise i made to myself, and not doing that because of work was not in line with my priorities (which i clearly knew, but needed to give myself a little kick in the you-know-what when work deadlines loom and stress levels are high).

i was thinking in the sauna about how ironic life is. if you would have asked me pre-diagnosis if in my 40th year i would eat avocado toast with hemp and chia seeds, run in 10k events, drink green teas like they were going to get taken away from me, get cravings for kale and green juices, etc., i would never have seen it all coming.

but now i can't imagine life without all of these things, and so i will often say a little prayer for all of the good things that have changed in my life from cancer.

saying thanks for all of the good is i suppose a way to "reclaim the fire".

one stick, one match, one day at a time.

mia

i actually can't remember when the last time i posted was. last week? the week before? no clue.

life has been busy these last couple of weeks and i haven't yet had a chance to catch my breath and get back to this space. i keep thinking that it is going to happen and it hasn't.

so tonight i am making it happen.

work has been crazy busy.

we are making decisions on whether we are going to sell our house and move.

we are finally tackling some of the things that we have needed to tackle for a while (eeeeeerrrrrr, years).

of course, all of these things happen at the same time.

we are having to watch from the sidelines my grandma move from her home to a studio apartment at a facility that can help her as needed. those transitions, even when having to watch from the sideline because we aren't geographically close enough to be there every day to help, are tough. they signal the milestone changes that come as those you love get older.

it has been interesting watching that transition with my grandma because i don't often think about being in my nineties. if i do, it is fleeting and i imagine myself as happy and doing well. but because i tend to think of life in chunks of months, i don't think that far ahead because i am so focused on the here and now.

in the here and now, it will be a scan day for me two weeks from today. that same day will be the results day.

so in addition to life being busy, i am also in the pre-scan dreaded countdown.

but that is in two weeks and we have a lot of fun planned in between now and then.

i hope that this finds you all doing well, and i promise to not go mia for such a long stretch again.

happy thursday, we are almost to my friday peeps.

and we are one day closer to jelly beans. (important sidenote: jolly rancher jelly beans are the very best kind you can eat. trust me. you are welcome.)

the 3/21 pledge

education is really important to me.

we have been saving for malena's college (he thinks she will choose UW, i am pretty sure she will be a WWU viking like her mama) since she was born. i feel super lucky that we have been fortunate enough to be able to do that.

as much as i believe that education is important for our girl, i believe that it is equally important for all kids.

if they want to go to school, they should be able to go to school.

i wrote about the 3/21 pledge last year that raises funds for people with down syndrome to receive college scholarships.

and clearly, i am going to write about it again this year or you wouldn't be reading these words right now.

because even though i am really tired exhausted, and writing this from my bed with the lights off and my laptop resting on my legs and my pillow calling screaming my name, there are things to be done that can make this world a better place for someone else.

if you too believe in education for kids that want to go, and maybe even more so for the kids that face harder circumstances in getting there, think about donating $21 to put towards scholarships.

you can read about and see stories of the kids it is helping by reading this.

happy thursday all, let's do some good with this one.

last week

"remember forward movement.

forward is the way of trust.

forward is the way of forgiveness.

forward is the way of action.

forward is the way of healing.

forward is essentially life"

(victoria erickson)

last week was a bit of a major doozy.

work and volunteering at malena's school kept me super busy and i felt like i was going in a million different directions. probably because i was.

hence, not much time to connect in this space last week, hoping that is a little better this week.

so although i could have worked for all of it, i did zero work over the weekend because i needed the down time to rest and get my energy back for another crazy week.

the weekend was full but good.

helping a friend pack while simultaneously catching up on life (and seeing some of her high school pics and feathered bangs was just an extra bonus). sleeping in (which means not getting up at 5am to do work). both days, and loved it. lunch with girlfriends. seeing the movie "zootopia" (you should stop what you are doing right now, including reading this blog, and go see that movie - it was so good/funny/inspiring for kiddos (and adults)). catching up on top chef while drinking a cold cider. selling girl scout cookies. getting 7 miles of walking in. dinner tonight with beth to celebrate her birthday. time in my craft room. watching our mermaid do tons of laps during her swim lessons.  sending some happy mail. drinking my green teas.

we packed it in this weekend but it was all good things.

just like weekends are supposed to be.

have a good monday peeps, here we go again.

hello march

"healing is a small and ordinary and very burnt thing.

and it's one thing and one thing only: it's doing what you have to do."

(cheryl strayed)

well hello march, seems like you showed up pretty quickly this year.

i actually can't believe that you are already here.

you are going to be full of lots of good things and i am focused on that.

i met with my nutritionist today and we have my goals for the next 5 week stretch.

greens. protein. green tea. keeping up my supplements. walking. sauna. and some other focuses as well. bring it on.

the basic goal is to "keep going" as she wrote on the top of paperwork.

i love having a good plan to follow and then following to check in progress.

so here we go march, let's do this.

one green smoothie at a time.