the shit and the joy

it sometimes feels like we can never get a break.

this last week has been mixed with many emotions, kind of like the movie "inside out", i have been feeling all the feelings (anger, sadness, joy, fear, etc.).

our holiday on thursday was really good, and we had a great time watching the apple cup (i am neither a cougar or a husky so i just watch the two sides of my family cheer on their respective teams). on friday night we had a family party for malena's birthday. just moments after everyone finished eating their cake, my grandma had a stroke while sitting at my parent's dining room table. it was probably one of the scariest things i have ever seen. as i made the call to 911, i felt like a combination of a 40 year old woman who was communicating the needed info to the dispatcher and a young kid looking at her grandma who knew she would never forget what her grandma looked like in that moment. she was eventually released late saturday, and we will see what the future continues to hold.

as we were sitting with her in the hospital, i was thinking about how quickly life changes. in one moment i was watching my daughter blow out the candles on her cake, and in the next moment i was calling 911 and was not sure if my grandma was going to make it.

the joy and the shit.

this week will bring more of both. there are fun things planned throughout the week. there is also a full body pet scan on wednesday that will be long and will make me really sick. pending those results (which are hopefully that my lung is the only issue) i will either go straight into the appointment with my surgeon next week (if only my lung) or back to my oncologist (if not only my lung). i never really "hope" to meet with surgeons, but in this case, that appointment happening next week means that it is only my lung we have to deal with, and in the current situation, that is about as good of news as we can get.

in the ironic twist of fate that is cancer, my dear friend beth goes in for her 6 month scans on wednesday as well. we will be at two different facilities otherwise we would be able to give each other a hug on our way in and out of our tests. beth will get her results on friday, and of course, i know that they are going to be good and fully clear. since i am going to now be taking another round for the team, the cancer fates better not touch her or all kinds of hell are going to break lose around here.

so please send beth and i your prayers, vibes and mojo - and send some to my family and grandma as well. we need them all the way around this week.

i hope that your holiday was full of joy, rest, naps, solo time -- whatever it was that you hoped this holiday weekend would bring your way. i hope it brought what you were hoping for and more.

another week begins, one that holds moments of joy, and moments of dread. but life is pretty much always like that, it is just that sometimes you can see what is coming with a little more clarity.

happy monday peeps. here we go.