thank(full)

"there are people who take the heart out of you,

and there are people who put it back"

(elizabeth david)

on this november night, i am feeling very grateful for the joys of my friendships.

- the amazing friends (both the guys and the gals) i am surrounded by who continue to bring me so much joy, in ways too limitless to count, in ways they may not even realize
- the sound of their laughter. the knee slaping, smile beaming, laughs all around type of laughter. i have always loved that sound, but after the last year when there more days without laughter than with, i love the sound of my laughter combined with theirs more than ever
- memories shared with friends that will always be times to remember and hold close. knowing that those memories can never be taken away from either of us
- the fact that it doesn't matter how often we see each other (both for those that live close and those that live far), we can pick up as if there had not been a day in between that we hadn't talked
- knowing that when i need help, i have friends who will come running regardless of what i need and when i need it, them knowing that i would do the same for them

more than ever, i try hard to really focus and remember moments in time. i now take the time to just watch my friends as they laugh, talk, cry, whatever the emotion is at the time i am with them. whether it is time spent over something good or something that needs fixing, it is a moment with them in my life that i will never get back. i want to remember them all and hold tight to the memories.

as i continue to move through life after treatment, there also continue to be ups and downs. the truth is that it has been a tougher transition for me than i had anticipated (not that i really had a clue how it would be and am still learning as i go) for different reasons. but i can do this. i have friends to help me through. to make me laugh. to make me cry (in good ways). to listen. to hug me. to sit with me. to encourage me. to support me in a million different ways.

while i think about what may or may not (let's hope that includes recurrence) happen in the future, i know that i will have my friends beside me.

that is one of the things that cancer has not taken from me, and couldn't even if it tried.

i am thank(full) every second of every day for my friends. they continue to help me put my heart back. they are my heart.

i am - and always have been and always will be for all of the days i have to come - so very, very grateful.