dear 16 year old me

i posted this video this summer on facebook. a melanoma blog that i follow had the link to it this weekend and i watched it again. it made me cry just like it did the first time that i watched it. i think that no matter how many times i will watch it, it will have an impact on me. on saturday i think that it had a more distinct impact because i was just about to get my my hair cut when i saw the link. though i like my new short hair, it is still emotionally tough for me to get my hair cut because i feel all out of sorts to not have my long, curly hair anymore. so my emotions were already running a little bit higher than usual (they are still running pretty high as i continue to feel like i am detoxing off of the interferon). hearing some of the parts of this about not wearing sunscreen and tanning beds made my stomach turn because i thought about choices that i made previously in my life. as i have heard before, when you know better, you do better. i certainly know better. i hope that if you know better now too from knowing me, that you will do better as well. i hope you do it for yourself. but, you are also doing it for me, because i like having you around and i don't want you to go through what i have had to. i sometimes like to think about my fight as taking one for the team, so don't prove me wrong.

dear 16 year old me, on july 16th, 2010 you will be diagnosed with melanoma. it will rock you to your core. but, you will survive it with the help of family and friends and a whole lot of determination. you will have a great life and a gorgeous little girl to fight for, she will hands down be one of your most favorite people on the planet. i can't wait until you meet her. she will be worth it all.