hands free mama

 

"at least three times every day take a moment and ask yourself what is really important.

have the wisdom and the courage to build your life around your answer."

(dr. lee jampolsky)

i loved this book, for many reasons.

i try hard to put my phone down and enjoy the moments that are happening around me. but i could be better. i can always be better.

i try hard to not focus on my to do list. but i am not going to lie, i pretty much love a good to do list and equally love checking the boxes off of that list. i am a big huge fan of action items being completed. big time.

i try hard to live in the moment, go with the flow, and enjoy the moments as they occur. but sometimes there are more "just let me finish this" or "in just one second" or "i will be right there" than even i would like.

this book was a great reminder through the words within it about really focusing on the priorities for my time, and then giving those priorities they time they actually deserve. "because someday is nowhere to live your life" and there are definitely times when i think that i will getting to important things "someday" and the truth is that i can be getting to them today.

some of the key reminders that i will take away from this book are:
+++ put the phone down
+++ using time in the car to connect. to not make calls. to not mentally go through what i need to do at work or at home. to not check out the latest on instagram when i am a passenger and could be talking to those in the car with me instead of flipping through pictures (this is a tough one, because if you know me, you know i love my instagram account;).
+++ really thinking about the things on my to do list that truly need to be done, because in reality, if many of those boxes don't get checked, i am pretty sure that the world will keep turning.
+++ choosing to enjoy the moments, and remembering that dishes, bills, laundry, and all of the other things that came up everyday can happen later. they can always happen later, moments of "mom, do you want to play with me?" won't.
+++ saying no and not feeling guilty about it
+++ focusing on saying "i love to watch you...."
...and so many more -- i think that there was something on each and every page of this book that i connected with in one way or another.

i was very connected to a page towards the end when there was a reference to melanoma that i was not expecting. there was a list of things that the author is doing in honor of a woman who died at age 43 from melanoma. some of the things on the list include "i will take the scenic route", "i will take a chance if it is something worth fighting for", "i will pause for sunsets, goodbyes, and belly laughs. i will acknowledge such things are miracles. everyday miracles." that page at first felt like a sucker punch to the gut because i of course was not expecting any references to melanoma in the book. but, as i read through the list, i felt some peace from knowing that the woman's life would be honored in so many ways by her friend. quite an amazing tribute, and that is something that melanoma will never be able to change.

if there is someone that would like my copy of this book, let me know, i would love to pass it on. my only ask is that you then pass it on next to someone that you think would like it too. this is definitely one to be shared. first dibs gets it. in full disclosure, you will have to be ok with a copy that has some red strawberry stains on the side of about 40 pages;)

happy thursday peeps -- one more day, i am pretty sure that we've got this.

sharon, part ii + beth

thanks for all of the love, prayers, and mojo that you sent to sharon today, i really appreciate it and i know that she does too.

unfortunately, the ct scans showed a small tumor on her liver and so she will begin chemo treatments next tuesday. she will have four rounds of chemo, and will also be meeting with   a surgeon. so please keep sending your love, mojo, and prayers her way. as usual, she is already in fighting mode with a great attitude -- go sharon go!

wednesday morning beth is getting her port in as her chemo treatments start next tuesday. so we definitely need to send love, prayers and mojo her way at 10:15 as she goes in for her appointment to have the port put in place. you've got this beth, one more step closer to being done. you can do this.

here is beth's latest update in her own words:

"I feel like there has been a lot going on. I am finally able to sit some, I found out last weekend. I can sit for 4 hours a day. It can hurt to sit, so sometimes I am in some pain. I shouldn't have been surprised by that, it was a major surgery, but for some reason it did catch me off guard. It mostly depends on what I am sitting on. I also haven't been able to bend much so my loss in flexibility is noticeable to me.
I am completely off pain meds now though, only using Tylenol. So I think that is good, and I still have some pain meds for when I really need them.
I am seeing my plastic surgeon tomorrow so I do have some additional follow up questions for him and he'll do a check in on the healing process. This Wednesday I should have all restrictions lifted in my sitting and moving, because it will be 6 weeks after surgery. I may still have to ease into things and all movement. And I wonder if I need any physical therapy to help with increasing flexibility again or any other help with movements.
I have had a weird thing going on with my ankle. I noticed some swelling last Saturday night and Sunday morning I was showering and my ankle where the surgery was started stinging, was all red and more swollen. So I called the on-call surgeon and he said the worst case scenario was it was a blood clot. But without seeing it he couldn't tell me. Well that isn't helpful to me, I call them to give me advice if they think I need to do something about it now or can wait. I have been on blood thinner so a blood clot should be unlikely, but still concerning. So I called my regular doctor. When all of this cancer business started she called me and gave me her personal cell phone. And she calls me every once in awhile to check in. I felt bad bothering her on a Sunday but she was so sweet and we actually caught up for a bit. I texted her a picture of my ankle, she didn't think it was anything too serious so I could wait to see a doctor. She wasn't working on Monday but set me up with another appointment with someone she trusts. What service!! I do love my doctor.
So I went in Monday afternoon and he thought it was a skin infection. They did some blood work and it came back pretty normal so nothing to do then. The ankle has gotten better, swelling has gone down, still a bit red but much better. But with everything going on in my body and surgery we are all so careful and more paranoid when something is not right with me and my health. I wonder if that will be something that stays with me after treatment, if I will always be more aware of everything that goes on with my body.
Monday I also went to SCCA for my port and chemo teach. Scary. The nurse showed me what a port looks like and what it will look like under my skin. We talked about the procedure to put it in my body. I will be under conscious sedation, like when you get a colonoscopy. I have to do the surgery showers and no food 6 hours before the procedure. Sounds like it will be a little sore after, no heavy lifting for a few days. So the port is getting installed this Wednesday. So I am hoping all goes well. I am a little nervous because it means chemo is really near, and I am a person with a port. People with cancer have ports. And sometimes I like feeling like a person who doesn't have cancer. But I am about to go into another period of my life being more centered around cancer and having a port will be a constant reminder of that. It all seems surreal at times. The nurse gave me a tour of the infusion floor. It was so quiet. I should get a private room when I am there getting infused. It has a hospital bed, a comfy chair for people who are with me, a TV. There is a snack room so I can eat while I get infused there. She also showed me what the pump and the bag looks like that I will go home with.
We talked about the different chemo drugs I will be getting, the likely side effects and I came home with some handouts that I have slowly started looking through. She said what I Have heard before - the side effects are setting in the day I typically go back to get the pump removed and will last for the next few days. And I should feel better the week in between the chemo infusions. I so want to have normal reactions and feel better in between. I don't want permanent neuropathy, I don't want to lose my hair (which is an unlikely side effect), I don't want to feel nauseous all the time or hate the smell and taste of food and only want to eat 8 things, most of them being white bland food. But I can't control them, I can't worry too much about it, what happens will happen and I will live through it. I have to.
I got a schedule for my chemo treatments for the first 6. I actually am starting Tuesday August 5th, otherwise my start days will be Mondays. The days I go in will be long - blood work, meeting with my doctor, infusions and then connecting the pump. It takes most of the day it seems.
My mom left last Thursday night to go meet my dad down in Hilton Head. She comes back in a week, to be there with me for my first round of chemo. When she has been gone in the past I have asked people to stay with me. But this time I did not. I felt like I needed to figure out how to balance my life again, being able to be alone and do some things for myself - laundry, watering my flowers, going to the grocery store. Things I did all the time without blinking an eye, but this year everything has more meaning when I can do it by myself. I still can't physically do everything, but I am figuring it out. It's been interesting how many things I took for granted that I don't anymore. Sitting for instance, bending to pick something up.
I have been fitting fun things in along with working some. Last weekend I went to the Seattle Bite for my first time since I lived here! Ate some good greasy food and it was good people watching. Saturday was a picnic lunch in the park, and then taking the ferry over to Bainbridge Island to tool around. It was really fun to be out and about and doing something different. While we were out I heard back from the surgeon about how much I can sit so I was able to go out to dinner that night in a restaurant! It has been such a long time. It did hurt a bit since it was the first time really sitting in over 4 weeks but it was nice to be out, eating good food and having fun. I even had a margarita!
Since my chemo side effects can make me dislike food, I am trying to eat at places I like and satisfy cravings before it starts. So this past week and weekend also has consisted of dinners out, brunch out, treats and just fun times with people. And despite the port installation this week I am hoping to do more of the same before August 5.
Thanks for all your love, support and prayers."

thanks for sending your love out to these ladies, and i hope that your wednesday treats you well. we are halfway to friday, i don't know about you, but i have been ready for friday since monday morning rolled around. ugh.

for sharon

4pm pacific standard time.

send your love to sharon.

tomorrow she gets the results of her ct scan, which i know will come back all clear.

i just know it. there is simply no other option.

so send her your prayers, your mojo, your good vibes at 4pm.

she needs an extra dose of the good stuff to make sure that she has no problem letting cancer know she is going to kick its ass once again.

go sharon go, you have got this -- there is no doubt about it.

we all can't wait to hear the good news tomorrow. xo

goodbye weekend, hello monday

dear weekend,

you rocked.

love, me

some link love for the weekend

a little list of some things i have been liking lately...

+++ i thought this post was a good one, and my brother will like it since it supports going to bed and getting rest;)
+++ i am pretty sure that a pair of these shoes were meant to belong on my feet. yep, pretty sure about that.
+++ i love this way of capturing the comparison and would love to do a layout like this for malena & i in our photo album
+++ i have never really been inspired to make my own jam (probably because i am spoiled by the awesome jam my mom makes) but i seriously considered trying it out when i read about this strawberry jam experience (ps - her shop has really awesome designs for place clothing)
+++ i want to see this movie (and so i didn't actually read all of the info here because that would ruin it)
+++ we are pretty excited that project runway is back on -- as you know, we love that show. tonight was the season premiere and malena was all over it. she got her sketch book out and designed an awesome dress for her first look for the season. so awesome.

+++ we had a girls date night last night with our favorite movie friends and watched this movie and loved it - and our big tub of popcorn.
+++ any post that has a title of i believe i can make good things happen is one that i know i am going to enjoy reading.
+++ i love quinoa so this recipe is definitely on my list.

hope you all have a great weekend. ours is going to include a starbucks date, baking cupcakes, a road trip, good times with cousins, campouts (maybe even in a tent this time), bbq, swimming, birthday party, laughter, new memories, and maybe a (or three) cider;)

have a good one peeps. xo

important sidenote:
+++ thanks to all of you that connected with me about being a helper for becky. xo

helpers needed

when i think of helpers, i always think of my friend jill and the dream couch surprise that she planned for me.

so when i saw a post from her on facebook today that simply said "interested in paying it forward? i have a friend who could use some help. message me." i was in. 100% in. the fact that jill has a friend who needed help was all i needed to know to say yes. i knew the details would come, and whatever they were, i was going to be happy to be a part of it.

jill (who lives in wisconsin) has a friend named becky from her mom's group that has been really struggling financially since her divorce, and she has three girls (ages 10, 9 and 6). becky just found out today that she lost her job. becky does not like to ask for help so jill is putting together an effort to help raise her spirits. jill isn't letting becky know that she is organizing this, so it will all be a surprise to becky. i don't about you, but i kind of think good things coming to someone who is deserving and and needs a turn of luck is pretty great.

so jill is hoping that there are some helpers out there from across the country who would be willing to send becky a card, a note, a gift card to walmart, target, walgreens -- any kind of happy mail, to let becky that she's got this and she has so many helpers cheering her on. even the ones she doesn't even know.

if you would like to be a helper and send a little happy mail becky's way to help raise her spirits and bring her some good when there is so much bad, get in touch with me. i will connect you with jill and she can give you becky's address and answer any questions that you have.

i don't think that there is a day that goes by when i am not comforted by the fact that there are so many helpers among us. i am so thankful that i call so many of them dear friends.

i am looking forward to connecting with a new friend in wisconsin.

i hear she could use some help.

just like we all could from time to time.

wild

this book has been on my "to read" list for a long time.

the truth is, the reason it has been on my list for a long time is that i know it has a major thread related to cancer. that is a thread i haven't been ready for.

but the movie comes out later this year, and i really want to see it (hooch - you and me and ipic for the win). i have also only heard amazing things about this book. i want to know what all of those people already know.

my friend kirsten in texas and i are going to have a little book club and read it at the same time.

if anyone else feels like getting wild in august, we would love to have you join us.

happy tuesday peeps, we are almost to wednesday. which is half way to friday. which is the day before the weekend. so we can almost see it from here. 

sidenote:
+++ mom, my cake is all gone. can we implement a birthday cake every month as a new tradition? just a little idea i had...as i ate my last crumbs of cake for the year.