around here

+++ around here the side effects are coming on strong. my joints constantly ache, some of which I don't think that i knew i even had before.

+++ around here on saturday night i woke up at 3:30 extremely nauseas, vomiting, with a fever, and then chills so bad that i though i might break my teeth of my mouth. 

+++ around here i woke up nauseas this morning and my clothes were soaking wet. 

+++ around here the side effects aren't messing around and it again appears i will be on the end of the spectrum that gets them all in full force.

+++ around here i have been quiet in this space and life as i am just trying to get used to this new normal yet again.

+++ around here beth got through her second round of chemo. i am still pissed that she is having to go through this. you should be hearing (or already heard) from kerry soon if you haven't already about your week for happy mail for beth, so if you signed up and you don't hear something in the next day or two, ping me again because that means somehow i didn't let kerry know.

+++ around here michael sent me some pictures of him having a mai tai as i asked him too on their trip to hawaii to rest after jennifer's latest treatment. i am still sending those two a ton of love as well. if you want to do happy mail for this fantastic couple and haven't signed up yet, let me know and i will put you in touch with my friend kristy who is the organizer for that campaign.

+++ around here my friend kelli and john decided that instead of continuing any treatment, the best decision for them was to come home and begin hospice care. i am not sure there are words that explain about how i feel about the fact that melanoma stage iv is the reason they have to make that decision. my heart is moving around in pieces at the bottom of my feet. clink clink. please send them all of the love and prayers you can in these final weeks they get to spend together.

+++ around here i just found out that another friend's melanoma has come back again. i am sure that you can guess the words i have to say about that.

+++ around here we met with my surgeon. he would do surgery and thinks that it is possible. it would be a more invasive surgery than my other two, they would need to open my chest to get to the tumors. they would remove the middle lobes of both of my lungs which should not greatly change my overall lung capacity. we are getting an appointment with my oncologist to talk about this option and decide how we want to proceed and if we are going to go to texas and/or maryland now that we know surgery is an option. more on that when we know more.

+++ around here we have appointments coming up with my palliative care counselor and my psychiatrist. because it takes a village. and when you have anxiety and you are battling side effects, and cancer is everywhere you turn, you need others to talk to you. even if all these things aren't happening, it's ok to need someone to talk to you. with the sad news that shook our world last week, i encourage anyone and everyone to reach out to whoever you need to let them know you need help - whether that is ears to listen, some medication to help, whatever it may be - it is more than ok to need help. and it is more than ok to ask for it.

+++ around here i am going to tuck my daughter in for the night.

+++ around here i will take my pills at 10pm and then we will see how the night plays out.

+++ around here i appreciate your reading these words.

+++ around here, i am sending you much love. xo