scan day + prayers

"when the hands of time evict the smile from the apartment building of your face

when you get punched in the esophagus by a fist full of life

remember the human heart beats approximate 4,000 times per hour

and each pulse 

each throb

each palpitation

is a 

trophy engraved with the words 

'you're alive'"

today was scan day.

it started early with a 7:40am check in and it took a couple of tries to get the iv in.

i have been quiet leading up to these scans in this space than normal i think both due to life being busy and and just overall increased nervousness this time around after getting so sick last time.

well, it happened again. within 30 seconds of them injecting the contrast (and giving me less and injecting it slow) i was vomiting just like last time.

so, this day has felt long from feeling so sick. the contrast. the anxiety. being 110% completely exhausted.

but the scan is done, now comes results on monday.

as always, all of your prayers and mojo and good vibes are so appreciated.

i would ask that you also send your prayers and mojo and good vibes to...

+++ my friend who has recently found out her young son was diagnosed with crohn's disease and looked at me with tears in her eyes and wondered what the rest of his life will hold for him. how could her mama heart not wonder that?

+++ my friends greta and wallace in new jersey. greta is also a stage iv melanoma fighter too and today i read the news that she is leaving the hospital with hospice care. they also have a young son traz. we have kept up with each other throughout the years and i am not going to lie. it is heartbreaking to hear the news. i think that i heard my heart literally break and the pieces shuffle around my feet when i have walked around today.

+++ my family members in north dakota that unexpectedly lost their young granddaughter who leaves behind a 15 year old daughter.

+++ my friend kris's mom judy that i have wrote about before on the blog. judy's cancer in her mouth has come back again and she will undergo another surgery on monday. please send her and her family your thoughts on monday.

bubble wrap. that is all that i can think about today. there are so many friends and family that are hurting around me, i wish that i could just wrap them all up in bubble wrap and protect them from all of the pain, loss, and anxiety they are going through. 

imagine how much better this world would be if we all had bubble wrap and could protect each other. 

it would be so, so much better.

thanks for sending all the love and mojo.

anywhere i fight, you fight.

xoxo