breathing

i have caught my breath.

it feels good.

coming to this retreat is one of the very best things that i have ever done for myself. hands down. ever.

i have had the chance to really listen to myself and how i am feeling.

i have been able to give a voice to some things that i felt like i have needed to say. damn, it felt good to get those words out. i felt lighter the second the words left my mouth.

i have made new friends, ones i expect i will be friends with for a long time. i love when you meet someone and you kind of feel like you have always been friends with them but you just weren't in the same space until that particular moment.

i have been able to identify with the words other women share, parts of their stories that are like a piece of my own.

i have taken my first self-portrait using a self-timer on my phone. i then took more after that. i got in the picture.

i have found some pieces of self love on the beach. one a shell that looks like a heart that has some pieces missing, i could relate to that. a little acknowledgement that my heart has taken some hits but it is still pumping. one a shell that looks like a heart that is whole, i could relate to that. a little hope that healing will keep happening each and every day.

i have ate amazing, nourishing food.

i have drank green tea in an awesome new mug, and realized that i couldn't remember the last time that drinking green tea was the main activity i was focusing on with my time.

i have put my feet in the ocean, and let some of my grief get carried out with the tide.

i have had a chance to just slow down and take in the beauty around me.

i have had great conversations.

i have shed tears.

i have laughed.

i have hugged.

i have said "me too".

i have said thank you.

i have shared spaced with other women whose lives were altered by cancer, one of whom had stage i melanoma and also knows the routine of going to the dermatologist every six months.

i have shared the words that only women affected by cancer can know, how it feels, how it hurts, how your life is changed, how you grieve, how you lose the ability to make key choices - like having other childen. how having baby things in your house makes your heart break in a million pieces, but so does the thought of finally coming to terms with the fact you will never need those things again. trying to decide which of the two heartaches is the easier to endure.

i have been told i am brave.

i have felt brave.

i have felt safe.

i have been calmer than i have been in a long time.
 
i hope that you too will give yourself a chance to catch your breath this weekend. 

it feels really good.

trust me.

i now know.

anywhere i go, you go. xoxo