butterfly

"just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly..." (proverb)

i have always really liked that quote. loved it today especially when i saw it as i opened a card from my friend michelle (thank you hooch, loved the card). it was perfect timing because it had been a long day. the quote reminded me that things keep changing and tomorrow is a new day. deep breath.

i am actually looking forward to going to the doctor tomorrow because i am actually looking forward to figuring out what is going on with me. on the roller coaster of my emotions these days, one minute i am up, one minute i am down. today at work i lost it (over a complete non-issue), and i never - and i mean never - cry because of work, even on my most hellish days (and there have been plenty of those). so hopefully we figure this out soon so that i don't turn into a blubbering idiot in the office. my dear friend kimberly (love you farley) brought me gorgeous flowers and it is so amazing how the look and smell of beautiful flower in my office can make a difference. loved that completely unexpected surprise and getting to look at and smell them all afternoon.

i don't anticipate that the doctor will tell me anything tomorrow and will likely just draw my blood. i will keep you posted when i hear some results. if the bloodwork comes back clear, i may go in and get tested again for food allergies. i realized when i was driving home today that some of the issues remind me a little bit of when i was so sick all of those months before i was diagnosed with celiac disease.

this weekend we will be celebrating my grandma's 90th birthday. though my grandma josephine has passed, both of my grandma's will have lived into their 90's which are some good genes to have in my favor. i would love to live to be 90. i hope that i do. it is hard for me to feel confident that i have a good shot at it. my ability to feel a connection to that far into the future is different now, my milestones come in smaller installments. instead of looking out to 90 years, i tend to think in terms of the months until the next scan. keeping all of my fingers and toes crossed i stay healthy until then and that i get good results. small amounts of time. big amounts of hope.

happy weekend all, i hope that yours includes some down time to relax and enjoy. monday will be here before we know it (unfortunately, ugh).

sidenotes:
+++ f-j...remember, no deadlines - just goals. one day at a time. love you.
+++ sasha & tim - happy ten;)
+++ shannon - woohoo!! benign = awesome.
+++ wallace, those may seriously be the best cinnamon bears i have ever, ever had (and i have ate a lot of cinnamon bears in my time).