treatment day and playing the cards you are dealt

"you don't have a right to the cards you believe you should have been dealt.

you have an obligation to play the hell out of the ones you're holding."

(cheryl strayed)

another treatment day in the books.

bloodwork was good, potassium continues to stay low but i am taking potassium every day to try and fight that so hopefully it starts swinging upward again.

today was bloodwork, doctor's appointment and late infusions and so we didn't get home until about 8:30 and we went in at 1. long day. but they all tend to be when it is an infusion day.

i slept through most of the infusion and my hour afterwards that i have to wait to ensure no reactions. usually i am awake and talking to barrett or doing something during the time but i just couldn't keep my eyes open this time. you can probably get a sense of how tired i am as those dark circles around my eyes pretty much make me look like a raccoon.

which is part of the reason that we likely forgot to get my trial meds from the pharmacy and realized that when we were almost home and the pharmacy at scca (only place i can get my meds) was closed. so guess what i am going to be doing first thing tomorrow morning? yep, seattle here i come again. oh well, shit happens - i had to miss a dose tonight when i ate when we got home but i will get right back on it tomorrow.

thanks for all of the love and support i am getting in a million different ways, i really appreciate it.

thank you also for all of the vibes you are sending to my friend lisa as she starts her daily radiation treatments this week. if you told me you want to be part of the happy mail campaign for lisa, you will be hearing from my friend kerry shortly who is helping me to get lisa's happy mail campaign rolling and underway (and thanks to my other volunteer campaign manager for offering, love you for that - you know who you are. xoxo). if you still want to participate, more info is here.

anywhere i fight, you fight.

and we keep on fighting. 

one more round of infusions and then i go in for scans again in march to confirm if i can stay in the trial (let's all cross all of our fingers and toes until then). i am not going to say much more about that tonight as it won't help my anxiety or my ability to try and get any sleep tonight. but more to come for sure.

have a good thursday, it is almost tgif.

i have to end this post now as it is 13 minutes after ten and my big brother is going to be mad at me for not being asleep;)

xoxo

she was ours + he hung the stars + she needs our support

things have been quiet in this space.

i think mostly because i continue to grieve the loss of two of the most prominent women in my life and my friend greta. and i grieve the news we got on the latest scans. and i deal with all kinds of potential realities for us that those last scans brought.  and all of the side effects that i deal with. and in between all of the grief and anxiety and side effects, life goes on.

this last weekend we laid my grandma to rest. it was a beautiful day, blue sky and gorgeous. i think that she ordered that one up just for us. it was a day surrounded by family and recounting our memories of her, there were so many special things that made her ours. 

the following day, we celebrated my dad's 73rd birthday. and because all of us kids (and grandkids and great-grandkids) were home we all got to celebrate my dad's birthday together which was special. grandma ordered up another blue sky day for him and we got to celebrate and laugh with him. him and i took this picture before we headed home, and i wore my "grateful" sweatshirt on that day because i am grateful for him (and my mom) for probably no less than one million different reasons. the card i got him said "my dad hung all the stars, and then held me up so i could reach them." i couldn't have wrote a more perfect card myself, he continues to hold me up every day.

my friend lisa starts her radiation for breast cancer on monday. she goes five days a week for four weeks straight. thanks to everyone who has already responded that you would like to be in on the happy mail campaign for lisa. you all rock. and it is not too late by any means - if you would like to make a cancer fighter's day a little bit better as she fights through daily radiation, get in touch with me so we can add you to the list and give you all the logistics. for those of you that have already let me know you are in (thank you!!!), info coming your way shortly.

thank you in advance, i know she really appreciates knowing this campaign is being done for her.

i hope that you all had a great valentine's day. xoxo

treatment day is done

this is going to be short because i am so tired.

my bloodwork was good this morning, so treatment was a go tonight.

we started the day at scca at 7am and got home at 8:45pm with a day of work in between bloodwork and infusions.

so to bed i go, and 3 minutes before bedtime, so my big brother should be very happy with this post time.

more tomorrow, thanks for all the love.

xo

world cancer day + treatment tomorrow + happy mail campaign for lisa

"and here you are living despite it all"

(rumi)

today was world cancer day.

14 million people a year are diagnosed with cancer.

14 million.

just let that sink in for a second, and think about how insane that number is.

we need to find cures. asap.

the following is what i posted today on my facebook and my instagram (jill p - are you on there yet? yes, i am talking to you;) accounts. 

"today is world cancer day - on this day, i would like to thank all of the researchers, doctors, and nurses who dedicate their lives to finding cures and taking such good care of patients like me. i am also sending my love out to all my fellow fighters still in the ring with cancer, those who have finished their rounds, and those fighters we carry in our hearts that put down their fighting gloves for the last time - and to all of the families and loved ones whose lives have also been forever changed due to cancer, because they are most certainly fighters too"

tomorrow i go in at 7am for bloodwork and a 7:45 appointment with the docs to see how my blood levels are and to ensure that i can have treatment tomorrow. then we meet with research specialists for another research trial that we signed up for to help scca develop a program for parents with cancer that have young children on how to talk to your kids and support them. if we can get help ourselves and help other parents we are all in.

then we go to work because my schedule got messed up somehow.

then we go back to seattle at 5:15 for my infusions.

tomorrow is going to be one hell of a long day. that i know for sure.

but what i also know is that every day is a fight. not just for me, but for others.

which leads me to the happy mail campaign for lisa.

my friend lisa is a breast cancer kicker-asser and she is about to start 20 rounds of radiation. 

20 rounds.

so as you can imagine, i think this girl deserves to get some happy mail while she goes through her 20 rounds of radiation and kicks breast cancer in the ass.

so, if you haven't been on this blog long enough to know how this works, here is the deal.

if you are interested, you let me know (leave a comment with how i can get in touch with you if i don't already know, message me, text me, reach me through facebook or instagram, send me an email, send up smoke signals from your backyard, trip me as i walk by you, yell at me when you see me, throw things at me (preferably candy) - whatever it takes.

i will then assign you a week to send lisa some happy mail which can be a card, a postcard, a simple note on a post-it note, whatever you have time and the desire to do. the point is to bring a little happiness to her mailbox as she goes through radiation. if you don't know lisa, that is ok. trust me, getting mail from total strangers that are cheering you on pretty much rocks and makes you feel less alone in the world and in your fight.

so if you are interested, let me know and i will share her address with you and all the details off-line of the blog.

i hope that you all had a good weekend - and that your mondays get off to a great start.

anywhere i fight, you fight.

and back in the ring tomorrow we go.

as my big brother says, gloves up. xo