here we go again

i knew it was coming.

the dates for my next round of scans.

november 16th for scans.

november 18th for results.

barrett and malena's birthdays are that week. his lands on the day between my scans and the results.

even though i knew the dates were going to be coming, that doesn't make it any easier.

the marker is now clear.

as always knowing the exact dates and times turns things upside down for me and makes me automatically kick into all of the pre-scan triggers that i know so very well.

i am going to just keep breathing. and going.

reminding myself of all that the fun things i have planned.

and begging the fates to let me have some sleep between now and then.

i know those nightmares are coming, i can see them peeking in the windows from the dark outside.

they may take my nights, but i will be damned if i let them take my days.

here we go again peeps.

f&ck cancer.