in both hands

been a little quiet in this space the last week or two. part of that is because i have been busy with holiday festivities and planning. part of that is because sometimes this space makes me think of melanoma and i am trying to stay away from those thoughts as much as i can throughout the holidays.

but that is hard. especially as i read about another melanoma warrior, madeleine, who was told this week that there were no other options left but to bring in hospice care. i will tell you that reading that made the hand that carries the shit feel like it is dragging on the ground. it feels like it has been all week. i have been debating all week about shutting off from the melanoma world, and i think that i might for a while. it is sometimes just too much for me to handle, and as my counselor and i talked about, it is ok to take in the stories when i am able to. that is hard for me though because i am such a believer that stories are important, should be shared, and warriors should be joined in their fight. so it is a constant internal struggle and has been filling a lot of my thoughts for the last couple of weeks. maybe because at this time of year, i feel a bit like melanoma is lurking behind every ornament and every light. please send your love and mojo to madeleine and her family during this time when they need it the most.

in the other hand, there has definitely been joy. meeting little baby boy bentley, he is adorable and such a little snuggler. reindeer festival, feeding rudolph apples and getting to tell santa what she wanted for christmas. i kind of wanted to whisper into his ear what i wanted as well, i bet you can guess. let's keep it our secret. christmas shopping and finding the perfect gifts. buddy our elf showing up each morning and making malena laugh with whatever he has been up to during the night. painting christmas ornaments. wrapping gifts. riding carousels. all good things. they fill up the hand that is carrying the joy.

i also want to ask for you to send your love, mojo, and prayers to patty on tuesday. she is beginning a new electric treatment for her brain tumor on tuesday. so keep sending all of your good mojo to patty and her family as she begins this new part of her journey. here is a picture of her and bentley from this weekend, those two make a cute pair;)

i am going to overflow the joy hand this week. i am taking a trip to new york city for the first time and am super excited about it. i am going to kick it with my sister and niece who are already there to celebrate jess's graduation from wsu. i am really looking forward to checking out the big apple, ice skating in rockefeller center, seeing the statue of liberty, walking around times square, strolling through central park...i can't wait. 

so i will talk to you in a week or so, with some good pictures to share i am sure.

in the meantime, send your love to madeleine and patty and make it a good week, there will be good in it somehow, i promise. there always, always is. you just have to look for it. xo