down time

it has been a quiet week on the blog because it has been a busy week in general. i was up against a major deadline at work, while simultaneously getting things lined up to be out of the office next week. whenever i take vacation i work twice as many hours before i leave, and twice as many hours when i get back. but the time off is so worth it. i need a break. i don't remember the last day that i have had off (including weekend days) that i haven't had to do some work, and the last two weeks have been exceptionally brutal. i had to put in about 7 hours of work today (my first day of vacation), so it will really feel like vacation has started tomorrow. the blackberry has been turned off. that felt good.

i got to meet up with an old friend (kris, it was our drummer!) this week and it was so great to see him. it is a surreal experience to see someone again that you spent so much time with during a certain period of your life. love it when life grants those rare opportunities to reconnect. 

this next week will hold a lot of time with family and friends. it also looks like the week will hold some sunshine which will be nice since it was a torrential downpour here today, and yesterday, and....yep, classic seattle weather. this week will also include a massage (can't happen soon enough), shopping, reading (finally finishing this one and starting this one), sleeping (i am hoping for some good sleep with no nightmares or weird dreams, maybe i can trick the nightmares and dreams and leave them behind if i sneak out quietly), playing on the beach with our feet in the sand, swimming, flip flops, laughter, a lot of all new memories.

the end of june, gets a little tough for me around this time. july brings scans. july brings results. july brings the 16th which makes me really anxious. one good thing about being so busy with work is that it has kept my mind off of july most of the time. for that i am thankful. but july will come, and so will whatever it will bring. let's hope it only shows up with good things.

on the other side of these results, big decisions are ahead about our future. will we have a second child. that pending decision is so, so hard for me. part of me wants to make the decision so that i can start to move forward in whatever direction we decide. the other part of me wants to keep putting the decision off because i don't know how to make it - and i guess more importantly, i don't know how to deal with the results of either choice. tough decisions. they aren't easy for a reason.

i will be back on in about a week or so, i hope that you all have a great week in the meantime.

take good care peeps.

sidnotes:
+++ aaron - tomorrow i will, like i do every single time i fly, wish that you were on my plane (best would be you going with me to where i am going, second best would be hearing your voice over the pa system). love and miss you. xo.
+++ greta - i will be sending you so many good thoughts on the 29th, so happy for you on your last day. i so remember that feeling of the last shot. you did it!!!!!
+++ powerful blog on being enough
+++ for all of you painters (jill - i am talking to you), i have heard good things about this new book that is out
+++ for all of you peeps that make homemade jam, here are some pretty cute label kits

wish

how great will it be when there is not a need for anyone, especially a child, to create a video like this? it will be pretty great. i hold hope for that day, and i hold hope i am here to see it when it comes.

fathers

dads. they rock. i got to be around some of my most favorites this weekend. barrett. my dad. my brother. my dad-in-law. felt lucky to get time with all of them over the weekend. it was good to celebrate with them, they definitely deserve it. took flowers to the cemetary to let my grandpa reinhold know that i was thinking of him too on this day. oh, how i miss him. i think of him everyday. i have the cane that he used right by our front door so i can see it every morning when i come downstairs, i like having that connection with him each day.  i also thought about grandpa sheehan, and how i will miss hearing his voice as we get together with our family later this week.

five more work days and then a week off from work to hang out with family and friends. can't wait. literally can't wait. worked about 15 hours over the weekend, in addition to the 50+ already put in monday - friday, to meet a work deadline. time off can't get here soon enough. tick tock. hurry up already.

happy (as happy as it can get) monday, we begin again.

sidenotes:
+++ ladies - i downloaded the "i am brave" free desktop image that i love, you can too if you click here
+++ i am so going to order these
+++ pretty sure that i need to go on this trip, ireland anyone?;)
+++ inspiring baby shower ideas on marta writes
+++ cookie party? yes, please. yum.

mango

i should be working right now on a major deadline i am up against. but i am going to take a little break to write this blog post. after being up until 11 last night working, leaving at 6am to head back to the office, then working every second of the day in crisis mode until i walked out the door at 5 to get malena - i need a little mid-week break. don't tell on me. it can be our little secret, ok?

i promised malena that i would take her to jamba juice today (thanks ann!). when we got there, malena ordered her favorite - mango. then she picked out a clif fruit bar. i paid. then she decided she really, really wanted pop chips instead. so i paid again. then she decided that she wanted to carry her jamba juice herself. she is a big girl after all you know. so she did. as she was getting into the car, she dropped it. inside the car. the lid came off. mango all over.  she immediately started bawling. i immediately took a deep breath. accidents happen. so back into jamba juice we went. the nice boys working there made us another one for free. apparently they too know that accidents happen. random kindness. awesome. they made my day.

tonight i was catching up on some blogs (also when i should have been working, secret #2 that i am sharing with you) and read this. though about boots and the man who wears them, it made me think about the mango spill in my car. the random accidents. the uh-oh mommies. the tears over jamba juice. though it wasn't a quick and easy trip to jamba juice like i had planned on, it was real life.

real life. sometimes it is messy. sometimes the cleanup can be frustrating. but in the end, most of the time, as was the case today, it is worth it in the end.

sidenotes:
+++ also really liked this
+++ droooooooooooooling over many things on this list
+++ i am so buying this book
+++ click here for a free downloadable father's day card

walk on

"what do we live for if not to make life less difficult for each other?" (george eliot)

today was the shore walk to raise funds for fred hutchinson's cancer survivor program. good cause to say the least. one that is very personal to me. i have benefited directly from the program and continue to do so through the support they provide.

we had 24 people that made up our team - "alli's peeps" - this year, go team!!! as it was last year, it was a great time with great people. we got lucky and had blue skies which made for a beautiful morning to do our walk. thank you seattle for the kind weather, we appreciated it.
our team raised over $2000 for fred hutch which i think is pretty awesome.

it feels so good to be walking with a sea of people who all support cancer survivors. it gives me hope that people will continue to rally to fight cancer for as long as it takes.

some of my friends had tribute patches for me, which i really appreciate it. i wore my tribute patch for my friend jim who i walked in memory of, and i wore it in support of greta in new jersey who is about to finish up her year of interferon treatments (yay!!!) and shannon in colorado who like me will have her next rounds of scans this summer.

i really miss jim, but i could feel that he was happy watching me walk knowing his name was on my arm the entire way.

i love having my family and friends walk with me. it is so fun to see them having a good time, laughing along the way, and i really appreciate them being willing to rally for a 6:45am meet time. i am so lucky to be loved by so many, and i remember that everyday - but these special days are a sweet reminder.

i am already looking forward to the walk next year. "alli's peeps" will be back in force next june. i plan for the team to be an annual event. i decided last year that if the day should come that i am not here to walk, i want the team to walk on. don't get me wrong - i plan to be here for many, many more shore walks. but it is also true that i have thought about how i would want to the team to continue to do it without me if that is the way life turns out. as long as there is a need to raise funds to support cancer research and survivors, i want them to keep walking.

a good day. some more healing. a lot of love. can't ask for more than that on a sunny sunday in june. or any other day of the year.

thank you to all who walked. thank you to all who donated. thank you to all who sent us good thoughts.

xoxo.

milestones

here we go. big weekend.

tomorrow is graduation - woohoo!!! so happy for my niece, i can't believe her big day is here. my whole family together. so excited. so happy. so proud. so proud. so proud.

saturday will be a busy day. we will be picking up the shirts for our team (go alli's peeps!!!) for the shore walk on sunday. then we have a bunch of family crashing at our house for the early morning wake up call for the walk on sunday. good times. i know there will be a lot of laughter within our house on saturday night. love that.

sunday is the walk. the walk brings mixed emotions for me. so thankful to have so many friends and family members walking with me. so thankful that we have raised donations for a cause close to my heart. so thankful that i am here to walk again. wishing that there was no need to raise donations for cancer survivors because cancer did not exist anymore. wishing that i didn't have to share my life with cancer. wishing that no one else had to either. wishing that i could walk in support of jim this year instead of walking in memory of him. i will walk in support of greta and shannon. walk i will. because i can.

keep your fingers and toes crossed for us that the weather is not a monsoon for us like it has been the last couple of days around here. pouring rain in seattle in june? seriously? you bet. grrrrrrr.

have a great weekend peeps.

it all works out

i got this book on monday and i can't wait to read it. i just know that i am going to love it.

today the stars aligned when i saw on kelly rae robert's blog that susannah was going to be coming to her studio in portland for a book signing. seriously, two of my favorite women in the same room? i am so there. i went to immediately rsvp and it was already full. sometimes i wish that really cool things that get announced when i am at work could happen when i can see them and respond instantly. super, super, super bummed. i (after a few moments of sulking in my bummedness) decided that it all works out like it should. i just wasn't meant to go.

right after that, i had to start packing up my office at work because we are moving to a new floor. during that process (i haaaaate packing by the way), i found some of the memories from work through the years that i have held on to. project awards. notes from friends. i took a little trip down memory lane in a crazy two hour packing frenzy. it was the perfect opportunity, everyone had already been long gone for the day, and i had quiet time to just focus on loading up my boxes.

when i first started out in my career, i took a three month internship in an area that i had no interest in. but at that time, it was better than the alternative which was doing something that i already knew i really didn't like. the internship was the lesser of two evils. i could not have imagined where that one decision would lead me. fifteen years later i have a job that i love, even on the days (which is really pretty much everyday) when i am so crazy busy i don't have one open minute between 7am and 5pm.

in these fifteen years, because i have got to work with them, i have met some of the people that i love the most in this world. had i not taken that internship, my life would have turned out so differently. a life without all of them. i can't imagine. so thankful that i don't have to.

so as i loaded the last box, and turned out the light, i reminded myself that not going to the book signing is going to be ok. 

it all works out like it should.

weekender

sunday night. really? how did that happen.

friday highlights:
+++ lots of friends qt. love that.
+++ gluten free swedish pancakes at portage bay cafe. with lingonberries. sooooo good.
+++ massage. heavenly.
+++ shopping in ballard, finding new bracelet and ring that i could not live without. perfect. rekindled my love for ballard. big time.
+++ gf chocolate cupcakes. yummy.

+++ drinks and laughs, laughs and drinks. spending time in bars that i haven't ever been in before, really great places to hang out and catch up. a new little adventure. good way to end the work week.

saturday highlights:
+++ dentist appointment for malena where she actually let the dentist see her teeth and clean 5 of them. we will take it. major accomplishment;)
+++ jamba juice (reward...or, perhaps you would call it a bribe, for the above success)
+++ booked tickets for our minnesota/wisconsin trip (shout out to all of the sheehans and the pattersons - we are excited to see you!)
+++ graduation party for my neice taylor - could not be more proud of her, can't wait to see her graduate on friday.

+++ kim's world famous taco tip.
+++ my mom's world famous potato salad.
+++ hanging out with my family, never can have enough of that.

sunday highlights:
+++ sleeping in.
+++ great breakfast with gluten free scones homemade by mom (thanks mom - you rock)
+++ swimming with malena, tons of fun and laughs
+++ jamba juice and tacos for lunch. they hit the spot.
+++ frozen yogurt with strawberries and blackberries. so good.
+++ perfect cherries.
+++ time in my craft room. making cards. wish i could do that more.
+++ sunday night pizza, our end of the weekend routine.

i am looking forward to a lot of good things to come our way this summer.

the shore walk is next weekend, our team is 24 strong at this point and over $1000 raised so far for the team. awesome. i am looking forward to hitting the pavement with some of my favorite peeps as our team "alli's peeps" walks the 5k.

in addition, the rest of this year holds a lot of fun occassions for our family - family reunion, time with friends in wisconsin, a joint 50th birthday party, a baby shower, a 21 run, a 70th birthday party and other birthdays sprinkled here and there. many good times to come. there are so many good things to focus on that i am not spending as much time thinking about my scans coming up in july. at least for the moment. that may change as july looms closer, but for now, i am happy to not have those scans be my primary focus of what is to come.

a little relief for the weary. i will take it whenever i can get it.

finally

pretty happy that friday is here. it's about time.

i am actually not going into work tomorrow. woohoo!! it is actually my day off, but as most of you know, i am usually in the office on my days off (i know, i know, i know). tomorrow that will not be the case. looking forward to some fun times in seattle all day long. can't wait. bring. it. on.

i am also looking forward to a graduation party for my niece on saturday. i am pretty sure that she was just a baby yesterday, so i haven't totally wrapped my mind around how it is possible that she is graduating next week. so proud of her, can't wait to celebrate.

the blog has been a bit quiet lately as you can tell. work/life has not allowed typical routines to occur, but i should be back on more often. malena has decided to have unhappy moments (hours) everyday now it seems. not sure if they are more exhausting for her or us. it might be a tie. we didn't really have terribles twos, wondering if we are now experiencing the traumatic threes. please bring on the fabulous fours;) i reminded myself today as she was wailing and unhappy that even those rough moments are the ones that i fought to be around for. so deep breaths. the grumpy will end, it always does. somedays it just seems to take a bit (lot) longer than others.

i hope that you all have a great weekend - first one of june, how is that possible? i don't know either. enjoy it. xo.

sidenotes:
+++ betsy/mindy/kim/taylor/ann/sean/dominic/natalie/mom/dad - super happy to have you all on the team for the walk. let's hope the weather is a little less soggy next sunday than it was today. summer? hello? go away rain. please.
+++i know that some of you have seen this, but if anyone is looking for a great way to propose, you need to check this out. i would have said yes too.

+++i think he rocks
+++love the idea of a mini-bucket list
+++am also totally digging the concept of a summer manifesto - i think that mine might include frozen yogurt every wednesday night. please and thank you.
+++totally relating to this post as i write this blog post at 12:12am.
+++identified with the words "knowing that even on her worst of days,
she is worthy.she is enough." in this post
+++i remember many "little big things" from my childhood, and i do my best to give malena the same
+++pretty sure that asking ""you know what's great about that" could make my mood better at work and at home....maybe like today when we were in meltdown mode and i could have said "it's great this is happening at 6:30pm instead of 10pm";)
+++jon, are you flying to seattle yet? waiting. waiting. waiting. hurry it up my friend.
+++greta - one more month. one more month. so excited for you. the shot final countdown is on!