6

round 6 is in the books.

my bloodwork looked good.

we will do a few more rounds and then do scans again to see what the tumors are up to. hopefully shrinking, at a minimum not growing.

here is what i know:

+++ the fatigue continues to get worse. i am so tired. all of the time.

+++ i could not make it through the day without anxiety meds. that is for sure. mornings are still my hardest time followed by early afternoons. i am trying to kick the meds that are meant to help me sleep but have been having nightmares on and off throughout the last couple of nights so not sure which way to go on that.

+++ seeing a counselor and a psychiatrist continue to help.

+++ side effects continue to be fatigue, dry mouth, dry skin, i thought my hair might be starting to fall out but so far no large patches. a couple of times i have lost my balance but had soft landings both times.

+++ i fall asleep at a moment's notice if given the chance, like when the passenger in a car. night night. zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

+++ i really miss writing in this space. i just can't figure out quite yet how to get the time in to do it since i go to bed so much earlier now than i used to which doesn't leave me as much time to jump on the computer. i am still trying to figure out how to do that. stay tuned. you will know if i have figured something out if you see more posts coming up.

+++ thanks for all of the love and prayers, i continue to really appreciate them.

i hope your weeks are going well, we are already to hump day. i for one think that pretty much rocks.

anywhere i fight, you fight. xo

round 5

this is going to be short and quick because i am tired and the laptop is about to die and i am too tired to go back downstairs to get the charger.

round 5 went well today. bloodwork all looked good.

i was so tired all day i could not keep my eyes open, and unlike most treatment days, i did not work on my laptop for some of the time.

i slept. i just could not keep my eyes open.

thanks for all of the love, mojo and prayers you are sending my way.

anywhere i fight, you fight.

another round in the books. xoxo

shore walk 2017 is in the books

shore walk 2017 is in the books.

here is our awesome team "cancer you can suck it" from this year.

this was our 7th year doing the walk and we raised over $5000 for fred hutchinson cancer research. our team raised the most money for the walk and actually raised 7 times more than the second place team. go team!! that is pretty damn awesome if you ask me.

speaking of pretty awesome, my friend marcie ran her first 5k today and she has been training for quite a while (even in the rain which we have had a lot of ). i am so proud of her - go marcie-roo!!!! keep running, and i hope that i can do one with you soon.

so it was a good morning, the sky was blue, and gave me some time to catch up with friends and family while we walked the 3 miles.

thank you to everyone who was on the team, donated to our team, and sent our team good mojo for the day. i really appreciate it. i am so thankful for the money we were able to raise and know it will help cancer patients in the future.

on saturday, barrett and i attended the annual melanoma symposium that scca puts on every year for melanoma patients. it is a mix of emotions to attend that as some of it hits so close to home it feels like reality hitting us right in the face. but it is good to hear about the latest research and the advances they continue to make in melanoma research - maybe i will be one of the patients that benefits from that research and more than a statistic.

they always have patients who share their stories at the end and those bring out the kleenex during that time. you know i love people's stories and i think that they are so important, and then you tie them to melanoma, and i am total waterworks.

here are a couple of key things to remember about melanoma and protecting yourself and the kids in your life:

-- pediatric melanoma is on the raise 3% each year in the last 3 years.

-- 500 kids a year 18 and under are diagnosed with melanoma each year

-- every hour of every day someone in the united states dies from melanoma

-- melanoma is one of the fastest growing cancers in the US and worldwide

-- most melanoma is curable in the early stages with an over 90% curable rate

-- most cases of melanoma are caused by exposure to UV light and sunlight

-- tanning beds are classified in the same cancer risk as tobacco, arsenic, and asbestos

-- melanoma can develop almost anywhere, including the skin, eyes, digestive tract, genitals, under nails, or even in the mouth

-- carefully examine your skin every month. look for spots that seem unusual or are changing

-- melanoma can spread to the brain, liver, and lungs making it very difficult to treat

so please continue to remember to protect the skin you are in.

the side effects from treatment continue. fatigue. i am really tired and fall asleep at a moment's notice when i can. some of that is my anxiety meds too i am sure. dry mouth. swelling of my legs. the list goes on.

the anxiety continues to be really hard for me and thank goodness for the meds that i am on. mornings continue to be the tougher part, i am in tears most mornings before i even leave the house. i could not make it through the work day without my meds in the afternoon. i have another appointment with my psychiatrist on friday to check in and see where i am. i have an appointment with my counselor tomorrow which will be good as well. as i always say, it takes a village.

one thing that i have realized (or maybe just because i am now having such a problem with anxiety) is that it doesn't seem like it is talked about enough. since i have started talking about it, people have told me their stories or told me that they deal with it too and i had no idea. i think that there needs to be a larger conversation around it, or maybe figure out why it doesn't get talked about more. i will definitely talk about it here because it needs a voice for me and i am really struggling with it. i have been honest about everything that goes on medically with you before, so why not be honest about the anxiety too since it seems to be ruling my daily life at this point. it makes it really hard to get out of bed and face the day each day, i hope that changes soon.

i had a mammogram last week and the initial pictures showed that i needed to come back in for further testing. so i made an appointment for about two weeks out. before i had even got back to my office (which is literally 5 minutes from the doctor's office), their office called and said the doctor wants to see you on tuesday at 3:30. when they call back immediately, and the doc moves up your appointment to two days instead of two weeks, you don't have the best feeling. after going through multiple more tests and ultrasounds, she believes the masses she can see (and i can see which are obvious on the scan) are not cancer. but i will be back in six months to have another mammogram. there was part of me that was scared shitless about them telling me i had another cancer, and there was another part of me that felt like if i needed to kick the shit out of another cancer i could do it. i again would have no other choice.

tomorrow is treatment #5 and it is early. we check in at 7am for bloodwork and then meet with the doc, and if all goes according to plan, start treatment around 10am. we will see what the morning holds.

my friend mary goes in for scans tomorrow to see how her treatment is working, results on wednesday. please send your mojo, prayers and love to wisconsin for her.

another week starts, and i feel about a million different emotions about it. but it will come regardless so here we go.

anywhere i fight, you fight. xoxo